redfrogs blog

kindle and school

2011-02-20T12:57:00.000-08:00

This semester I have been struggling. 5 classes with most of the classes being on Tues and Thursdays I start at 10 and my last class is done at 8 its a long long day. There is an hour between psyc and english and I was taking my math with me to get it done. There are 2 hours between english and sociology (two sociology classes). Its a crazy schedule and I was feeling overwhelmed.

Do I drop one, do I drop to part time will my kids and husband remember me? I talked with one of my professors in the sociology class and he said he would let me take the class as an indepedent study class. I am still responsible for final and all papers due but wouldnt have to be in class. Might do that

I was talking to Mike spring break is 2 weeks away and the end of the semester is at the beginning of May. I am going to try and stick it out. But I swear I will never cram 5 classes like this again.

Mike bought me a kindle for our anniversary and I love it. In fact I took it to school with me Thursday cause I didnt have any math homework due. It was heavenly to sit and just read (pleasure not school). Maybe thats what I need to do is take a break between them two classes and just chill.

OP ed for sociology

2011-02-16T17:41:00.000-08:00

Pink Floyd sang " We dont need an education hey teachers leave them kids alone" I have to say I love that song in fact I played it so much my kids love the song. My 17 year old tells me " mom I don't need an education." oh my young son how wrong you are. Education has been a big subject in my house lately I had to leave a math class I need to go to an IEP meeting for my son and I was annoyed at this cat that the teacher requested this meeting cause no homework was being completed which resulted in failing grades for two classes. I am lucky to be on two sides of this coin how many times have parents said homework is a pain in the bum or its unfair.

Its just work to control home life. As a student I find it annoying that I have to do homework in my adult life but I see the importance of it. Gasp I know! I tried to explain to the the boy that doing your math homework prepares you for the a quiz or test which counts more then the homework does. Guess what if you can do the homework you probably can do the quiz or test quite well. ( Dont tell my math professor this).We need to teach our children how important education is how to take advantage of it.while young how to embrace and soak it all up while we live. How it matters in our everyday life and in our career choices. How education makes us better informed voters,customers,employees, and employers. How the more education you have the better you life is going to be its shown that the higher eduction is the better job security you have. The more education you have the more pay you can receive.

I am not saying there is anything wrong with being a hole digger but think would you rather be using your back to make 7 50 an hour or use your brain to design the tools to do the hole digging and make 15.00 dollars an hour and not use your back?

we talk about childhood poverty and how to combat it I think one of the first places to start with this is education. Educate the parents make preschools and Headstart programs available in every community in every neighborhood.Hold schools accountable for what they are teaching pay teachers more. Its sad that an NFL quarterback makes more in one football season then a teacher will never see in there lifetime and these teachers shape the future of our kids.

Make school districts provide books and materials needed for the that teacher to succeed. Make private schools available if the school district is not meeting state standards. Lets stop teaching our children how to take tests and actually teach them what may be on the test. Government needs to fund more education and stop cutting that in the budget when something doesnt equal out.

Lets make secondary education more accessible to young adults. Lets invest in them. Not burden them with student loans that will take almost their lifetime to pay off. Make college level books affordable. I have a chance to talk with a Pa rep about education and volunteer services My son is a vol fire fighter who serves his community a Community or State College should give them a break on tuition. There are several laws that we need to change and they need to be changed right now. My sons teacher told me that my son has the right by law to sit in school and do nothing and if he fails the school cant do anything to change this. I am surprised this in an option for the school district. I told his teacher that it may be law in the school but its not an option in this house. It shouldnt be an option in schools either. Its my belief that when President Bush signed No Child Left Behind he didnt mean to cause harm. But no Child left behind has caused harm. Its caused our teachers to teach children how to take tests instead of teaching them lessons.
Its caused sick kids to be penalized and school districts to be penalized for the sick kids when it cant be helped. We need to make it so a 17 year old cant sign himself out of school and the next day sign up for welfare benefits.. We need to make sure teachers and administrators have the support of parents and community. We need to fund more towards education and technology.

Sorry long post long paper would love to know your thoughts on this.

Two years

2011-02-09T13:19:00.000-08:00

I wrote this for a class.

Two years,

Two years since my heart was broke. Two years since we last watched a sunset together or you told me how much you loved me.

Two years since you told me how proud you were to have a daughter like me. Two years since you decided to go home and accept your everlasting reward.

Two years since we have watched a sunset together and commented on the work he created.

Oh how life has changed. How I wish I could turn them two years around and let you know how much I loved you.

I have learned so much in them two years without you. I am strong person, life goes on struggled with that one. I think I will watch a sunset tonight and remember that he has help creating the sunset now.

Wow 3 Months

2010-12-17T10:14:00.000-08:00

Wow Its been 3 months since I blogged or read any blogs I miss that I dont seem to have any time anymore. I usually try to update on facebook but not a lot. Today is my last final for this semester. I cant believe its done or I have survived it. I did well in most of my classes failed one (algebra) its evil. I finished with A's in two of my classes and I am not sure of my history grade yet. Final is today. I love school it just is so awesome how much I was meant to do this. Next semester will involve 5 classes one of them being algebra this will go much better. Someone asked me the other day would I rather be young and my reply was no. I am comfortable in my skin I like who I am I dont care what other people think of me. I am going to try and update more often but please forgive me if I dont. Next semester is going to be as crazy as this one was.

What did I do

2010-08-29T16:47:00.000-07:00

Here it is the night before I start classes tomorrow and all day going through my brain is what did you do and why did you do it?

I wonder if this is what a man asks himself when hes having a midlife crisis. I am not having a midlife crisis I know why I did this and I think it will be fine and maybe fun. I did not enjoy school it was awful for me so this is my do over.

I intend on learning and I really want to help women could we even say somewhat change the system. Or maybe work with children.

Just right now I have a tummy full of butterflies.

I need a virgin or two please.

2010-08-13T15:26:00.000-07:00

I know today is Friday the 13th I know people say that Friday the 13th is bad I say hogwash wait let me rephrase that maybe not so hogwashish.

Today was to be my non hospital day I had to do somethings to get ready for school and S had therapy and it was a nice day to go swimming so we headed to the local rec complex and they are closed due to a fundraising event. No problem we can roll with the punches and go somewhere else to swim.

So S and her friend swim and they decided maybe we could go to a couple thrift stores and shop cause thats what females do the best right?

We all pile in the car and go and I smell fluid oil or something like that and my car is not running right so I pull over and call my husband and he said you need to have it towed.

Nice I have S and her friend and S's therapist in the car the car isnt moving with transmission fluid all over the road. Yeah nice just what I need.

I need to make an offering to the Gods. How many virgins are needed to get the universe back in alignment?

Take two? Hopefully with a different ending

2010-08-10T18:09:00.000-07:00

So Sunday I am sitting on the loveseat whining that I am sick and I hear an ambulance call for an address and it was my moms she had fallen out of her chair so I quit whining about sick I was and headed to the hospital where they were taking her.

She was quite confused and not breathing very well they put her on a bipap machine and admitted her into specialized care got her stable and I went home.

The hospital called me at 8 30 Monday morning and said we are life flighting her to Erie.

The craziness has begun I was up 30 plus hours before I came home and slept only cause the social worker on her floor told me I had to leave and get some sleep and not allowed back on the floor at the hospital for 24 hours unless there is an crisis.

Plus she called Mike and told him that they could not allow me to drive I am thankful that she watched out for me (although I couldnt see straight to drive).

Ummm my mom is on a venalator her kidneys are not working right but things are improving. They are weaning her off the venalator a little at a time its going well she has an infection somewhere but they cant find it.

We are taking this hour by hour every little improvement and milestone as we can. But the flashbacks and the last ending to this story before went so wrong.

I am rambling from being sleep deprived pray please.

still here

2010-08-07T12:44:00.000-07:00

I drug my sick bottom end into our local urgi care and they wouldnt treat me. Sent me to the emergency room. Two huge bags of fluid 2 injections through the I.V for the nausea and they sent me home. The blood work showed its probably a virus.

I am so tired and blah but at least the nausea is gone.

Uggghh

2010-08-05T14:41:00.000-07:00

Today was to be a busy day S had therapy for some anxiety issues and then an orthadonist visit (the braces are off) Well I havent moved at all all night I have been sick to my stomach bad sick.

Her therapist came out and got her and I have slept all day and would just like to curl up and die but that would require me feeling so much better. Because I am sick I hurt and dizzy so I get grief from people when I ask them to go get stuff from the store.

Not my husband but my brother and my son. I hope they catch this bug and I can be mean and hateful to them (no not really).

Wow I took a blogger break.

2010-08-04T11:20:00.000-07:00

Wow I took a blog break there has been things going on in my life that I didn't want to put into words. Lots of changes have been going on here.

1. I am going to school classes start Aug 30th I am so excited this has been a long time dream I am going for my masters in Social work with the goal of working with abused women.

2. Mike is working not what he wants to be doing but its a job and this is a good thing first time in my 18 years of marriage I was wondering if this marriage was going to last or If I was going to be in jail for murder.

3. My mom almost died I found that our journey is not over and I need to forgive her for some issues and move on. That being said I will guard my heart and keep my emotions close so not to get hurt.

4. Life is good my paxil has been reduced I cant believe that I have came so far since my mom in law passing. It amazes me that I have came so far and for that I have her to thank.

And I promise no more blogging breaks for 3 months but life maybe get a little busy with school.

I want to scream but I wont cause it wont do anygood.

2010-05-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness my family has totally lost their minds and is trying to take me down with them.

This is going to be a rant possibly a long one or not. I am annoyed with my husband its not his fault totally but some of it is first time in 17 years I thought about leaving for the night.

My brother is grumbling at me cause I havent exactly been kind to Mike but its hard being frustrated with him and the lack of a job and not a lot of income and a lot of bills.

Then I had a conversation with my mom tonight that just topped everything off. She is mad cause I didnt come over Mothers day I told her a couple weeks ago that I didnt really want to do anything for Mothers day as I wanted to be alone and mourn the 1st year anniversary of my mom in laws death yeah I know insensitive then I tried to take flowers over and she had a fit cause I spent the money on her.

Then she told me that S is lazy and we are allowing this to happen cause we dont make the kids go over and stay. Then tells me not to be mad then she starts in about she doesnt understand why I want to go to school that I will loose my SSI hmmmmmm mom maybe I can be a functioning member of society.

Tomorrow I am going over to spend the day with my bestest friend in the world.

Ummm cant think of a title

2010-05-07T18:20:00.000-07:00

Well I have applied to Edinboro College please cross your fingers I get accepted. I have been wanting to blog about my vacation which was awesome and I need to repeat it next year but I might be in school so I may not be able to repeat it.

2nd Sunday it will be a year since my mom in law left us I have learned so much from her passing I need to do a blog about my feeling on that which are better then what I thought.

But life is so busy right now and new adventures keep popping up.

Granny squares and drs

2010-04-30T19:06:00.000-07:00

I have a new hobby its crocheting granny squares love them and will post pictures along with vacation pictures.

I have the okay from my family dr to pursue school he thinks it would be great for me. No gym classes though he said there should be alternatives I hope so.

I seen I will have to take a creative writing class and a math class its scary I will probably start in the fall. 5 years for a masters Mike said I should plan on getting my doctorite I told him lets do the bachelor and masters first I will be graduating with S at some point lol. 5 years of school Oh my gosh am I nuts?

Two things one huge one not so huge.

2010-04-25T14:50:00.000-07:00

Two days before my 38th birthday as I lay awake last night not being able to sleep and thinking I want to explore more of life. I made a decision I am going to check into my local college in Edinboro and see what they can offer me. I want to be a social worker as long as I can remember thats what I wanted to do. I am hoping that they and I can work around this little annoyance of the md. Please pray for me that I am doing the sensible thing.

The other thing is I have been asked to start a blog about my childhood and the things I experienced. I dont want to bring all that back but maybe someone could get hope and help from it. I am not sure I want to do this. I found out some time ago that Terry is dying and my mom wanted me to go make peace with him. I have no desire to make peace with him. I told my mom that I would probably just help him die faster. Therapy and just not thinking about that has been a huge help to me and I am in a good place in life. I just dont know.

Hummus

2010-04-23T17:44:00.000-07:00

While in Arkansas I got hooked on a new food called hummus. I loved it there then I came home and bought some which I thought would be yummy it wasnt :(.

Can you make hummas or is there a brand that is better then the other? Please I need input.

I dont understand.

2010-04-22T18:44:00.000-07:00

I am a news junkie and I love the show The First 48 for all that are not familiar with this show it follows real life homicide cops investigating murders.

Erie Pa is the third largest city's in Pa we are about 30 to 45 minutes from Erie. The city of Erie has had 4 homicide cases this year and the age of the killers have been 17 and 18 years old one guy was 67.

The 17 and 18 years old are black and drugs and/or robbery or just plain hate have been involved and the more The first 48 I watch I see the same thing.

It makes me want to ask what is wrong with our teens. Or better yet what is wrong with our society or the parents. I am raising two teens I dont let them get anything or watch or listen to anything they want they know if they dont follow me and Mikes rules there are consiquences. Tonight I asked J why he was failing two subjects and where his homework assignments were which resulted in him throwing a fit and getting grounded. I wonder how many parents of these teens asked them that?

But I am not blaming the parents here either I guess there is no one to blame is there it just makes me wonder why these young ones are throwing their lives away?

Is it drugs, money the easiness of guns who knows but somewhere someone has to have the answer.

vacation,drama, and all that good stuff.

2010-04-17T21:50:00.000-07:00

My blog has given me grief stating that it didnt exist grrr. My trip was awesome and I had a great time I plan on going back next year. I have some pictures to post and will as soon as I get permission from my friends. I loved the plane rides except the landing dont like the landings so well.

There is talk among my family not in my house if I cheated on my husband I can assure everyone that knows me and that reads my blog that I would never do that and these rumors will not be addressed again I am going to do my best to ignore it.

And my internet is fixed that is another post for another day. Hughsnet will not be getting a recommendation from me.

More to come.

5 Days

2010-03-13T22:09:00.000-08:00

erFive days till I leave on my little adventure. I cant wait!!!!!!!! I am not so worried about the flight but please pray I dont experience turbulance.

We are going into OK city to spend the day and into Lawton I want to see the federal building memorial and want to see the FT Sill museum in Lawton and a railroad museum. I cant wait oooooooops already said that.

On march 27 I head to Arkansas to spend four days with one of my bestest friends in the whole world she has plans for Hot Springs Ar and into Little Rock and promises of hot tubs and swimming pools. I return home on the 3rd of April no plans to do anything but relax and regroup.

Please some one shoot me!!!!!!!!!!

2010-03-04T16:09:00.000-08:00

Hughes net was here and hooked up everything except my router which I should have paid the 45 dollars and had them hook up the router.

This is not going well my modem wont talk to my router and if I get them to talk the router wont talk to the laptop come on get over the fight and make up already cause this is driving me nuts.

There is Job drama going on here with Mike being home and I am planning my sister in laws murder as we speak.

More tomorrow I hope.

Leaving on a jet plane

2010-02-20T16:42:00.000-08:00

I am so excited I am leaving on my trip March 19th and I will be gone two weeks. Two weeks of no children no husband just relaxing and chilling with friends I am so excited.

I am going to visit two friends one in Oklahoma and one in Arkansas. I cant wait.

Take that Verizon

2010-02-16T21:01:00.000-08:00

I hate hate hate Verizon I thought it was my only option for internet cause I refuse to give up my directv or pay two tv bills.

I kept going back and forth do I deal with verizon or go without internet (not an option) then the solution hit me. I talked with bubba and we have agreed to split the internet bill.

I am getting Hughsnet yaaaaaaaaaaaaay. On Feb 25 they will come and install it. I am so happy. So a couple more days with internet here and there then I will be back on full time I cant wait.

Happy Birthday James

2010-02-14T22:20:00.000-08:00

I am a bad bad bad mom January 28th was James birthday. I am late with this post I am so sorry James.

He is my go to boy if I need help hes right there to help me. I am proud of the man he is becoming he really loves his community and everyone tells me what a great helper he is.

He is a great big brother although his sister annoys him he is a great pet owner although I get frustrated with Pepper.

I cant wait to see what the future brings my sweet baby boy (yes you will always be my baby boy).

Anniversary

2010-02-11T19:16:00.000-08:00

Saturday will be my 17th year anniversary yeah where has the time gone? I love my husband more then words he is a great guy and we have the same values hes just awesome.

This doesnt mean that we havent had our problems or there are days I want to do him in half our battle was won cause I adore his dad and adored my mil. She always said dont hold your mouth if your angry with him then tell him but be respectful about it no need to call names that just makes things worse.

One rule that I have always tried to keep is dont invite more people in the marriage then two of us. To me that means I dont go to my mom or Mikes dad with our problems I do talk to my friend but she is impartial and tells me to deal or move on.

And we need to be responsible with each other I have no secrets from him he has my email password and my voicemail password. Although he never checks them not that he has any reason to.

I also have his. He is coming home Monday night I cant wait he was to rent a car but instead bought me an anniversary present I am trying to be thankful but I would rather him rented the car. But thats life.

Our other rule is its to easy to walk way stay and fight. Here is to more anniversary's

Come on

2010-02-09T21:17:00.000-08:00

Z pack come on do your stuff show the germs who the boss is. Yeah not much better well the throat is chest not so much. Again Z pack do your stuff how many days till spring?

Moving

2010-02-08T15:13:00.000-08:00

I was over winter when fall arrived. I say snow is evil but I am rethinking that statement to add snow is evil and so is the cold and flu season. I still not feeling back to 100 percent S is sick with a sore throat and body aches and a high temp the flu loves my house for some reason.

J is not sick he may die for that or maybe not it will take to much energy to do him in and then dispose of the body.

The bears have the right idea of hibernating to spring. I could just pack my bags and move to the Bahamas yeah thats it here I come Bahamas.

Sleep or lack of it

2010-02-06T21:03:00.000-08:00

I am trying to give up insominia but its not working last night I was up to 6 am the kids and my phone let me sleep till 1 pm. I find that today I am down as in depressed and this is important because I feel a lot better totally not healed but enough to say I am healing.

So I think that lack of sleep is messing with my mood. I have tried non caffinated tea given up soda (which wasnt hard since I dont drink much to begin with). Try not to watch interesting tv prayed to the sandman I really cant do a sleep aid with the muscle relaxer.

The doctor cant do a sleep study cause one needs to sleep in order for a sleep study to be effective.

I think I will just hunt down that evil sandman down and steal his sand. Is that a felony?

Better

2010-02-02T14:59:00.000-08:00

I am finally starting to feel better or thats what I thought. I felt great yesterday so I decided to put on jeans and contacts and get out of of the house. I went into my Sister in laws Amandas house.

We had a great day fun lunch shopping a trip to Erie we got so lost but it was so funny I think there was an illegal right turn at one point.

Today achy and yucky feeling and so very tired maybe tomorrow will be better but I wouldnt trade it for anything.

PSA

2010-01-30T15:40:00.000-08:00

Make sure fire hydrants are unburied could save your or your neighbors house.

Well

2010-01-29T19:08:00.000-08:00

Not as in feeling well but as in its strep and brochitis and the strep infection is bad. Plus was starting to get dehydrated I am so done with winter and cold and flu season. I got a shot in my bum vicadin to calm the muscle gods down and an antibiotic to fight the strep lets pray it starts working soon.

still ugh

2010-01-27T15:49:00.000-08:00

Still so very sick I have no voice nyquil has been my very best friend. Check back tomorrow

Sick

2010-01-26T14:26:00.000-08:00

I have the flu that Sarah had last week I feel miserable and yucky. I know that I wont die cause that would make me feel so much better. Be back in a couple days.

A long car ride

2010-01-25T15:52:00.000-08:00

Me and Ken took Mike down to Carisle Pa yesterday I am up at the top of the state near Erie. Carisle is at the bottom of the state after Harrisburg can I say it was a long freaking trip with a certain brother lighting up a joint yeah lovely but I didnt say anything cause I didnt want to walk home and his dr approves of it whatever.

I am so tired and cant make sense of anything. So i will be back tomorrow back to my usual witty (IMO) self (maybe)

trip or bust

2010-01-23T12:49:00.000-08:00

My trip that I posted a little bit of details about has been postponed. More details later.

Whirlwind life

2010-01-22T16:48:00.000-08:00

Mike is home for 4 days life has been non stop as in I miss my pjs. We have went to New York got new cell phones and new cell phone contracts I love my new phone is a rumor 2 almost as addicting as a blackberry.

Hmmm what else oh S has the flu and I am sure everyone in the house will have it and I have a new addiction its coffee and creamer I have never been a coffee person but my mind has been changed.

I am going away on a trip more details in the coming days I cant wait. I have decided that I am staying overnight in Cleveland the night before my flight to Oklahoma.

I am not taking any children a spouse or pets can you say peace and quiet.

Love or Hate (or really obsessed)

2010-01-20T18:01:00.000-08:00

I love my contacts I also love my glasses but I have to say I love my contacts more. Well around Christmas time my right eye started bothering me and it was a fight to keep a contact in.

Well my right eye just kept getting worse and worse to where it was hurting and itchy and just miserable and I finally called my eye doc and said I am afraid its the MD acting up and effecting my eyes and I wasnt ready to admit that.

This is why one without a medical degree shouldnt try to practice medicine. He said how long do you wear your contacts before replacing them and I said months at a time I wear them till they rip.

He looked at me and said no no no no no. I have developed an allergy from the build up on the contact the name of this is gpc its a form of conjunctivitis. I will be doing eye drops for a month and not wearing contacts for awhile. This bums me out cause as I said I love my contacts or I am really obsessed with them.

Jan 19 1981

2010-01-19T12:29:00.000-08:00

I was 8 on that date and my life changed forever. I remember my mom coming home and telling my brothers as they got out of bed that dad had gone to be with God in heaven.

I remember laying there and not wanting to hear that news I remember how sad I felt but not really understanding how life was going to change and how much I would miss him.

I have to say I would rather deal with grief as an 8 year old then grief as an 37 year old. I still love you Dad.

Saving me

2010-01-18T17:49:00.000-08:00

I love love love love and did I mention Love Nickelback they are so hot and sound so very good this surprises my kids they think I am to old to enjoy them.

I have several of there cds the favorite is For all the right reasons there are several good songs on there but right now my favorite is Savin me.

I love the lyrics to it one of the lines is "Heavens gates wont open for me these wings are broken" and wants someone to rescue him. I so understand these lyrics when my mom in law past away I was so angry with God but I was angry at him for answering my prayers yes you read that right I was angry for him answering me.

Then I was angry at myself for being angry at God but as time moves on I am not angry I am not angry with God and I am not angry with myself because someone
saved me as in told me it was okay to be angry with God and myself.

Anger is an emotion and we need to deal with the emotions before we can heal.

My friends save me my question is who saves you when you need saving and have you told them how thankful you are that they are able to save you when you need saving.

A CAR UPDATE

2010-01-17T17:59:00.000-08:00

Its fixed no more wondering if I need a flame retardant suit. Thanks to my brother in law Dave (not bubba) and Mikes friend Brian. I owe people dinners now.

Rescuing

2010-01-16T15:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I braved my car and went to pick up the auto parts I needed but before I left I noticed a post on facebook from my friend who is having a hard time with one of her sons.

So after I picked up my parts I went to my friends house and said I am here to kidnap you we need chocolate and coffee (that fixes everything). So we headed up to Kings for dessert as we sat there chatting we decided this was nice and we didnt want it to end but our choices were limited so we said hmmmm lets go to a movie we looked at each other and said whats playing.

We talked the waitress into a newspaper and looked and at the same time we said the blind side.

Great movie great actors great story.

We decided that we need to do this once of month if not sooner. I enjoyed myself being away being away from the kids infact I turned off the cell phone.

Its great rescuing friends and not rescuing and being rescued.

Ugh but good or bad I dont know

2010-01-14T20:02:00.000-08:00

It has been a day. Good or bad I dont know yet S had an appt at the torture chamber aka orthadonist office and I found my muffler had dropped and if I moved I would run over it and that would not be good. Dr Smith came out and looked and said he would help if I needed it I told him thank you but my brother in law was on his way to help.

Did I mention our car has a tiny little gas leak so bro in law couldnt weld the muffler back cause no one wants to go boom and I like my car so I drove out the mechanics house to see what he could do with the muffler and gas leak.

The gas leak is bigger then what we thought and there is a small or medium chance the exhaust leak could mix with the gas leak and cause a small or medium fire if I should see flames exit the car and call 911.

So tomorrow I have to go buy gas lines and take the car back out to Brians house he will replace the lines then Dave my bro in law (not bubba) will weld the muffler back on.

I am not panicking this is just an inconvience that I am handling without depending on Mike see strong woman.

I wonder if I should buy a fire retardant suit?

mental health services suck big donkey toes

2010-01-13T20:52:00.000-08:00

Grrrrrrrr I spent most of the morning on the phone trying to convince the intake manager that my daughter does NOT have behavioral problems and she is having some anxiety issues but nothing else. This process is causing me anxiety and stress and I am going to have behavioral problems.

The case manager for this therapist wants the school involved I say no because that is her safety zone where she gets to be a kid and hang out with other kids. I will talk to her councilor at school and see what she recommends.

There is so much to do before she even gets in she has to have an interview and testing I think would have been easier just do the medication but the medication is not what is right parenting is never easy. But mental health should be much easier to access.

A Long Day

2010-01-12T18:58:00.000-08:00

Its been a long day today S had a drs appt over some anxiety issues and it was decided therapy would be a great idea before we put her on anti anxiety meds I was hoping he would say that I am a big believer of less medicine more other things. S is okay with therapy will blog more about this tomorrow.

Wow I took a blog break

2010-01-11T15:58:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the silence I told a friend last night when she asked why I wasnt blogging or when i was going to blog again. So here I am blogging I dont know where to begin so much has changed and I have been okay with the change.

I have a drivers license I love my drivers license its so freeing I am planning on taking the kids to Erie to see the Ice dunes that form on Lake Erie and I will take my camera and take pictures they are so pretty.

Mike loves his job and you know I am okay with him being gone I keep telling myself It is what it is and this is good for him and me and the kids I found out I am a strong person.

Christmas was great but also a bittersweet time Mike made it home and we were so busy with not being home we didnt have time to think about the people we lost.

Me and S went over to my friends house for 4 days to spend new years with her I was planning on getting so drunk to forget 2009 but I didnt took a bottle of Cherry Vodka and didnt even drink any of it although we did have a couple wine coolers no one was near drunk.

We gecko sitted S class pet which is a leopard Gecko.

I am planning a trip in Feb it will be nice to get away will be gone for almost two weeks more details to follow.

I look in the mirror and I cant believe all that has changed and is changing and I cant believe I am this woman who is doing things and not depending on other people to help me out. I am a strong person that didnt give herself enough credit.

Mike has helped me see this I love my life and family even with all the bad changes last year brought.

Migraines

2009-11-21T16:12:00.000-08:00

For the past 3 days I have had migraines I am going to see my doctor Tuesday I dont usually have these types of headaches and for the last 2 days i have slept almost all day and evening.

Mike will be leaving sometime this up coming week. It will be okay and I know I can do this and I know the kids are going to help and be good (well maybe good is an overstatement) but we will survive.

News update

2009-11-18T16:57:00.000-08:00

I have been horrible at blogging the truth is there are lots of things to blog about but I wanted and needed to wrap my little brain about all the things that are going to happen.

1. Mike has a job this is wonderful but he will be on the road for 28 days after 3 days of orientation in Iowa I am not sure how I feel about this I am elated but sad all the same time my friend said imagine actually liking your husband wanting him around.

2. This one surprised me I am letting the school district through our local ambulance service vaccinate the kids with H1N1 I am not opposed to the vaccination I am opposed to the school district act like my doctor but my doctor is not getting the vaccinations.

3. Report cards have been passed out and reviewed S made high honors J did pretty well but seriously does not understand biology and instead of asking for help just let it slip no more of doing that his butt now that marching band is done will be at after school tutoring.

4. Spent 214 dollars to get a cat well and will have to take him back in January to have his teeth clean. Why dont cats eat bones lol.

I think thats all.

stupid parrallel parking and other thoughts.

2009-11-12T14:37:00.000-08:00

It didnt go well today it didnt go so well that they took my permit and made me go get a new one thankfully no test was involved I am beginning to hate the dmv and the stupid stupid stupid parallel parking it sucks big donkey toes.

I wanted to share some thoughts. On my friend Caroline 's blog she was saying she isnt the same person she was when she started blogging.

I am not the same person I was when I married Mike I grew I trusted another and learned to work as a team.

I am not the same person I was when I had Mr.J I am responsible for another life and he was so cute and cuddly. I knew life would be good and I couldnt feel sorry for myself anymore cause it was no longer about me.

I am not the same person when I had Ms.S I now had to cuddly cute children to care for and life was going to get interesting very fast.

I am not the same person I was when I found out I had Md.

I am not the same person I was when my mother in law died I strive to be a better person to give more back to the world instead of taking. I keep telling family members to give to toys for tots in my name or some charity like that.

My life has changed so much and I hope to grow and learn from all the misery that has been so evident this year.

My question to you all is what lessons will you learn or have learned this year and what do you want to happen the rest of the year?

Stay Tuned

2009-11-11T16:56:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the big day I am confident I can do this. Stay tuned. Also I am going to have to take Tiggs to the vet he has a toothache. How am I going to get a 35 lb cat in a small kennel.

Happy

2009-11-10T15:14:00.000-08:00

As in the fog has lifted and it is great. I am laughing and smiling and not hurting as much missing mil. I can look back and remember the good times and love that just radiated out of her.

I also realized not only was I mourning her I was mourning a mom and daughter relationship and that made me angry cause my mom is alive but could care less for lack of a better word.

I am letting it go I cant be my moms keeper what choices she makes does not effect me and I am okay with whatever she decides.

As my friend lyn wrote on her blog at one point you have to own something for you to be at peace with it. I was not wanting to own it but it is what it is and we cant change what it is so stop resisting and own. Maybe its the paxil or maybe its the 6 months that has passed or maybe its my friend asking who I was angry at God or mil and I said neither I was angry at the situation and then I realized the situation was what it was and couldnt be changed no time would have healed her.

No time is going to make my mom be a mom so it is what it is and just deal. So I am owning and dealing and just letting it go has helped I feel so much lighter and happier.

Its great to type this thank you all for listening.

I dont feel bad

2009-11-09T18:01:00.000-08:00

I love Msn I get my news there and I love the odd stories . I have been teased and taunted for failing my drivers test 2 times I dont mind it has been all in fun and I will show them.

Well the teasing and taunting stops today In South Korea there was a lady who failed her test 949 times she passed the written test on the 950th time. So it pays to keep trying and trying and trying will pay off although I am fairly confident it will not take me 949 times.

In Rememberance part 2

2009-11-08T15:49:00.000-08:00

Chester worked for Alliance College and the Bartlett Apartments until he became employed by his late friend Bob Stine,at Modern Radio. He became well known locally as a knowledgeable and honest electrician and television repairman. As part of his employment he helped develop and start the area's first cable television company.

Chester continued to work for Modern Radio after the death of Mr.Stine and remained with them until his retirement. After retirement as a hobby, he continued to repair televisions and other electronics, the business closed in 1999.

Chester loved to share his life experiences with his friends.His recollection of his life during WWII was filled with intimate details of how people were treated. He loved life's simple pleasures time spent with family and friends, and picnics with his mother.

He also enjoyed time spent with his niece as she was growing up, trolleys,train rides and even a beautiful view. He liked to recall his earl days in Cambridge Springs and how the town was busy with tourists and businesses.

He loved animals,especially cats. He kept company with many cats in his lifetime and treated each one with the same love and care that a person would treat a child.

He had many houseplants and prided himself with his large quantity of Christmas Cactus that bloomed often.

He liked to watch wrestling,old movies,and old sitcoms on the tv. He watched the weather and news constantly to keep up with world events. he had a wonderful sense of humor and enjoyed making people laugh as much as he liked to laugh himself.

He was proceeded in death by his older brother who died at a young age from a head injury, his father and mother, a sister and brother in law Lucyna and Leon Rymaszwski. He is survived by his niece- Izabela and her husband of Texas. his great niece and her children his great nephew and God son. He is also survived by his long time friend Wanda of Cambridge Springs his friends Debbie and Kc and their daughter Becky of Edinboro. and his neighbors me and Mike and our children.

I know he loved cats cause he spent more on cat food then he did on his groceries. Thank you for letting me share this.

In Rememberance

2009-11-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

Chester my neighbor was such a wonderful person and treated everyone like they mattered and he was never to busy to say hi or talk. I thought I would share some of his history.

Chester Ratajewicz

Chester Ratajewicz 85 of 227 Bolard Avenue Cambridge Springs died Friday morning October 30 2009 after a brief illness. He was born to the Lt.Colonel Kladian Ratajewicz and his wife Stanislana on April 24 1924 in Russia. He spent his young childhood with his family and extended family in Russia and in Poland.

After the beginning of WWII he together with his mother,sister and other family members, moved throughout areas of Russia,Poland, and Germany for survival reasons.His mother was able to keep them together and alive throughout the war by moving them with the German front, often living in work camps. As a result of these movements he spoke fluent Polish, Russian, and German.

He had a personal knowledge of how family,friends,acquaintances and those he did not know,met the challenges they encountered to survive in Europe during WWII. His last work station was an electrician in the train yard in Germany.

In 1950 Chester was sponsored by the Polish National Alliance to come to the U.S.
He arrived by boat in New York City on March 3,1950 and after processing immediately traveled by train to Cambridge Springs Pa. He began employment upon his arrival as a furnace tender/electrician at the former Alliance College. After settling inot the community, he gained sponsorship for the remainder of his family- his mother,sister Lucy and her husband Leon Rymaszwski, and a niece to move from Germany to the United States as well.

This is turning into a long blog post I think we will make it two parts. So stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow.

Family drama

2009-11-04T17:52:00.000-08:00

I dont know how to blog about this my mom is sick and is refusing to go to the doctor. She wants to die she is only 57 I am tired of talking her out of this. Tonight I told her I am done going to funerals so if she wants to die then fine but I will not be attending her services.

Mean and harsh yes but I am tired of trying to put her back together when I am having a hard time keeping me together she is to be the mom I am not the mom to her just once she needs to think of others.The more I type this the madder I get grrrrrrrrrr.

Tomorrow happy post I hope.

funerals and driving

2009-11-03T19:05:00.000-08:00

I swear if I see another funeral home it will be too soon Chester's funeral was small and great the preacher did a great job without knowing him. I went over to my uncles calling hours but didn't stay long I was tired too and didn't want to hit any deer coming home.

I drove over yes I drove a long distance drive with my brother and it felt great except I almost ran over a state trooper which would have been very bad but in my defense he was in my lane I was blinded with firetruck,tow truck, and ambulance lights and he was dressed in black how about putting some reflector vest or tape or something some where and stay the heck out of the lane that the fire police who was wearing a lime green reflector tape on his helmet and bunker gear directed me to.

A note to Caroline I am going to try and blog for 31 days.

I freaking cant catch a break

2009-11-02T15:47:00.000-08:00

I didnt read the morning papers on line this morning like I usually do and we headed to the funeral home to be with Chesters family when we came home I read my one paper on line and noticed my uncle had died. Yes I said died my mom had called and left it on the machine but S never told me.

Two funerals for 2 people that I care about is too much I cant do it I am not doing it. I am so done with 2009 cant we just skip to 2010 tonight when I get back or tomorrow I am going to post Chesters obit he had such an interesting life.

Selfishness and comfort zones

2009-11-01T19:59:00.000-08:00

I am not a selfish person but tonight it was pointed out to me I was and my daughter is right I am selfish. I am not being hard on myself I am just facing the truth do I want the newest toy out on the market no?Do I want something from someone that we cant afford no I dont? Would I deny someone food or water or whatever then needed no I wouldnt? So you ask how can you be selfish well here it is. I want my mom in law back I want her to pat my back and tell me Chester (he died Friday morning) is no longer suffering and he is in a better place.

I want to know how much I am loved by a parental figure. I want to know its okay to be out of my comfort zone (lets face it thats been going on most of the year). I want my comfort zone back.

One part of me is glad she is in heaven but the other part of me struggles wanting her here and I want Chester here too.

The strange thing in all of this is I dont feel like this regarding my dad yes he was an awesome guy and a great dad but I dont grieve for him but that has been 20 plus years . Is it the newness in these deaths will I miss them less in 20+ years who knows but for right now I want them back from heaven and now wouldnt be soon enough.

Thank you for listening to me ramble. I need to do a blog about Chester he was quite a character and brought a lot of joy and laughter into lives he touched.

Happiness what is all about?

2009-10-28T15:11:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a jumbled mess so many thoughts and emotions have been put into this thought. My friend Caroline at findingwhereibelong.blogspot.com/ wrote on her blog 7 (I think) ways to be happy and I read it and said yes I can relate to them and understand the reasons behind what they say.

I have related to all of them but as you know I have struggled this year with happiness not that I dont want to be happy but with all the news we have heaped and heaped upon is happiness is hard to find or is it?

We have had several good things happen to us this year Mike graduating school,S making honor roll all year and passing 6th grade and J and the work he has done in the community and band.

But in all these happy events we see someone missing or someones as there has been more then one death and death is so hard to overcome but I am determined to overcome it as I was to a therapist today to see if we would be a fit I told her I am so done with 2009 and she asked why and I told her and she said you dont have to have a News Years Party you can have a good riddence party which is a good idea.

I encourage the happiness to come back I so miss it although its present in little things the big problems overshadow it.

As I continue to find a counselor or therapist that I like and will take my secondary insurance the search continues but know this I will be looking for the happiness out there and lets hope it gets better and better.

Keep plugging along

2009-10-26T15:08:00.000-07:00

Well last Saturday didnt go as planned I had hoped to get my drivers license but I ran over a curb dang evil curbs anyway being in my way. Grrrrrrrrr

So what does one do well she cries then gets over it and schedules another test and then this ones a little closer then 6 weeks. My friend Caroline can understand my frustrations but one has to go and try again till she gets it and I swear chocolate chip cookies and a $20 spot wouldnt hurt.

So here is no hitting curbs barrels or cones. Mike has a physical for a D.O.T physical Wednesday and hopefully a job interview after that. This unemployment thing is becoming a pita. That is all for now hope everyone is happy and doing well.

No good news

2009-10-22T19:48:00.000-07:00

Mike had a job interview over the phone and it was so promising they told him he should probably pack and get ready to go to orientation and they would be calling back after they did a backround check and where to pick up his bus ticket.

Well they never called so he called today and they rejected him why did they reject them you may ask. 20 years he was cited for hit and run he let a girl drive on a permit and she hit an ex boyfriends mail box and left the scene of the accident. Its come back to bite him on the behind.

So keep sending us good thoughts that someone out there will want him to drive for them.

Hmmmmmmmmmm

2009-10-21T15:30:00.001-07:00

I have some news but I cant share just yet. Stay tuned Chester is out of the hospital and settled into the nursing home room.

There was a robbery in my moms house this time they know who did it. The person stole my brothers safe with his medicine and guns and the guy used a hatchet to get in this has to end.

That's all for now stay tuned for news coming.

Pictures

2009-10-20T16:50:00.001-07:00

Here are some pictures I promised snow, tiggs, peaches.

In other news we have been exposed to Swine flu yaaaaaay not. James teacher had it. And in some good news my neighbor Chester is being sprung from the hospital tomorrow and he is going to a nursing home for the time being I am staying away from him though the last thing he needs is the flu.

Hope yall enjoy the pictures and isnt Tiggs a fat cat lol.

forgiveness and patience

2009-10-17T13:50:00.000-07:00

Its not good news my wonderful sweet old neighbor man Chester has throat cancer we are shocked and saddened all at the same time Cancer is never fair and this just sucks big donkey toes. He is choosing not to fight this he just doesent have the fight left in him.

It snowed the other day and yes Caroline I have pictures but please forgive me for not posting them just yet its been crazy here again. Please be patient with me they will get posted.

Thats all hope everyone is having a good day.

I've been missing

2009-10-13T14:07:00.000-07:00

I have been a bad blogger but I just needed a couple days to process news that we got well not we but Mike I encouraged him to try for this company and we have done everything they asked but it was never good enough he got his blood pressure down he got his blood sugar down but its not good enough they want 6.3 a1c which is hard for a diabetic to achieve. So Mike went to his second choice who told him that they were not hiring students right now.

So plan 3 which isnt really a plan but a hope but I guess its good to have hope. In the other news my 85 year old neighbor was rushed to the hospital Sunday morning for an extreme asthma attack they got him stable and sent him home although they would have liked him to stay.

Monday we did his shopping and he wasnt home we figured he was at the doctor so I called his friend who takes him to his appts. so we put the groceries in our fridge and waited for her or him to call us back and she did they had to rush him back to the hospital for what they thought was another asthma attack.

His friend called back to say they would be keeping him over night and if we could hold onto his groceries that would be helpful so that is what we planned on doing. Well she called later in the evening in tears they found a obstruction in his throat and was rushing him into surgery for a trach so he is in ICU doing well but its just been so scary and so heartbreaking he has no family in this area so we are on cat and mail detail and we will go visit him tomorrow. He is doing well but he is 85 years old.

So I didnt want to whine about life right now its not the end of the world but dang we have had enough bad news to last a lifetime.

And a personal note to Caroline I tried an everything bagel and now I am addicted thank you very much ;)

Going to do some bragging

2009-10-06T16:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry Caroline but I am going to talk about Mikes Ac1 if you dont want to read I understand.

Mike got vampired (his word not mine) yesterday for all those not sure what vampired means it is he had blood drawn and he got the results today our Drs Nurse called us with the results cause we were anxious cause his last Ac1 in May was 9. I guess before I go any further I should explain that Ac1 is a three month blood glucose reading.

Its good news his new reading is 7.3 almost normal for a diabetic the .3 might hurt him a little bit. So all the test results that his company wanted is in normal range and we have worked hard to get there coming up with different meals cutting almost all the pasta out of our diet getting more veggies in. Making whole wheat bread and buying whole grain wheat bread.

No sodas more crystal light and more walking and he is taking cinnamon with his medicine. Yaaaaaay

Lost in a book and dr update.

2009-10-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

When I was little I would escape into Laura Ingalls Wilder books and get lost for hours I got lost in Harry Potters world I have visited Stephen Kings world ( hes a little messed up) but a great writer. Nora Roberts and Debbie Macomber's world also I love to read and I have passed that onto the kids who have visited Dr Seuss and Eric Carles world.

One of my favorite books is Where The Wild Things Are and I want to see the movie although I am usually saddened that the movie is nothing like the book but we shall see. I stopped at our local library to pick up some books and was speaking to the libirian she suggested Beverly Lewis and her books so soon I will be lost in the Amish world that I do know a little about and I look forward to entering this world.

The Dr. raised my Paxil by 10 mg and also raised the muscle relaxer mgs and frequency that I take it instead of waiting till I hurt really bad we are going to try and relax the muscles before they start hurting which sounds good to me. Mike is cleared to go to work and should hear tomorrow when he is to call the company that he is going to work for.

His shop choose to keep him laid off and give his spot to someone else which is fine with us and he will be still able to collect unemployment.

Blah

2009-10-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

That is my new favorite word blah it says it all I have a drs appt Monday and I am going to ask him to up my Paxil. I seen some lady at walmart that looked just like my mil and the tears started. I am dreading Mike leaving I know its the right thing for him and our family but I dont like it but I am not telling him that cause I dont want him to feel guilty.

I am getting grief from my mom over the telling his shop he isnt staying she thinks we turned down a great offer we didnt as they will be laying off again in a month.

My muscle relaxer isnt working as well as it should be. My dishwasher is falling apart I love my dishwasher cant imagine life without it a tad dramatic yes I know.

I am still waiting for the okay from Highmark blue shield blue cross to okay my and the drs request for a therapist stupid insurance rules.

I need somewhere tropical non rain climate any ideas.

Hmmm and blah

2009-10-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

No call from the shop today so we arent sure what that means.

Blah it has rained so much I am considering building an Ark. We are still sick and S is scheduled for her flu shot not H1N1 but seasonal flu our dr isnt giving out H1n1 shots yet.

That is all for now.

Someone has a great big huge sense of humor.

2009-10-01T15:58:00.000-07:00

I am not a religous person my brother refers to me as a heathen but whatever. I do believe there is a God I just dont believe that he personally cares for me. But who ever is in charge up there needs to stop picking on us.

The latest scoop here is Mike was called back to work. I hear y'all say but that's great but not really because he would be laid off in a month. Mike said I will come back but I am not staying and the human resource manager said what do you mean your not staying and Mike told her that he has his cdl license and will be driving truck soon. She informed him that she will have to talk to the plant manager I bet they are going to say he refused and pull what is left of his unemployment.

An update also

Mike is feeling better me and S not so much drs appts Monday I see antibiotics in our future my nephew has strep yaaaaaay not.

That is it for now I will blog tomorrow about the call that will come.

sick and update and some whining

2009-09-30T15:00:00.000-07:00

Everyone but J is sick in my house me Mike and S either have a sore throat or a full blown cold Mike is miserable but isnt being miserable to everyone else.

The update and whining kind of go hand and hand so here it goes.

Mikes blood pressure is down the medicine is working which I am glad of and he wants to be working this last 4 months of him being off has really been hard for him he has always worked since the age of 17. I am ready for steady income although we have done pretty good with our reduced income but I am ready to buy pop tarts for the kids again. But what I struggle with is I am so going to miss him when he is on the road I can do it I tell myself to buck up this has to be done for our family.

I am hoping the company that he choose is right that he will be home most weekends. I told him and my friend Lyn that I will sleep with a t shirt of his on one hand this sounds silly but on the other hand it doesnt and will may help me miss him less.

That is all for now I hope every one is warm and enjoying fall leaves where they are changing.

Muscle Gods

2009-09-28T16:44:00.000-07:00

I love my life I love what I have taught my children about compassion and acceptance but can I say I want a new body.

I would just like one day that I could do want to do without hurting or afraid to hurt. I have angered the Muscle gods but good I cant even bend over without pain it was so bad I thought about going into the ER and see what they can do for me but between the skelation and tramadal it has settled down. It is cold and wet and windy here and has been for the last couple of days.

Nothing else to report at the moment.

The day

2009-09-26T19:51:00.000-07:00

Sorry to be so late but someone needed some cheering up after she hit a barrel and cone and failed her drivers test. So my wonderful hubby took me out to dinner and over to see a dear friend.

I have rescheduled the drivers test and it will be in late Oct I know what I got flustered and forgot to put it in drive while still in reverse but its not the end of the world.

A Teaser

2009-09-25T20:17:00.000-07:00

Stay tuned for a big announcement if I stay fluster free and keep my cool tomorrow.

Updates while I was out of internet

2009-09-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

Lots of things have happened with the 2 weeks no internet stupid phone company. My princess turned 13. Mike has his cdl license and is done with school and has a company lined up just waiting for a couple things to come together.

He finished with a 95 percent grade point average I am so proud of him. I am getting ready for drivers test on Saturday we have been parallel parking for ever and I am confident that I can do it enough to pass. If not its not the end of the world will just keep plugging away at it. I drove the interstates 90 and 79 the other day and loved it except when semis passed me but I kept my cool.

I think that is about it.

An Evil Phone Company!!!

2009-09-23T12:52:00.000-07:00

I hate hate hate my phone company Verizon did I mention I hate them. In June my internet contract expired and I agreed to renew it and keep my dsl and they were going to bill me for 70 dollars a month for 2 years for long distance,caller id and all them cool features and dsl well my bills were for 115 a month and I called and complained and was told we will straighten it out just pay the 70 dollars and you will be good.

Well I did that I paid my bill each month on time and they turned off my caller id and long distance saying that I wasn't paying my bills in full I thought okay no big deal I have the cell whatever but I was calling the evil company and told them what was going on and they said dont worry it will all work out this was told to me by a supervisor.

So I got up and my wi fi wasnt working so I figured it was out and didnt worry about it to much so about 5 I called the tech support and they told me that there was no outages and asked me about a light on my modem and I told the guy the dsl light was blinking and he said oh thats not good. The phone company CANCELED MY INTERNET and would not turn it on till the bill was paid so I told them to take the internet and stuff it up there nose. First couple days of no internet was fine no withdraws would look at the laptop and then find something else to take my mind off of it. 3rd day I called my local cable company and they said sorry we cant help you unless you subscribe to cable and I said no thank you I love our directv.

Verizon called me and said we would like to offer you a deal 2 years of dsl fastest speed they offer virus protect and Pc protection for about 40 dollars and they can take it out of my bank account each month. Still fighting on the other bill but at least I am back and I love my internet. I have missed you all and have a couple of blogs to get caught up on.

My Community

2009-09-14T14:20:00.000-07:00

We have a Stryker unit in our community and our unit was deployed to Iraq for 9 months but was in Tn for 3 months before they were sent to Iraq. So these guys were away from their families for over a year. They have been coming back in waves starting Saturday they had two buses come in and our local fire departments and police and motorcycle group of Viatanam war veterans greeting them. Sunday they had 10 men come in and they still greeted them no matter how small the group is the community turns out to support the guys.

If you would like to see some of the pictures you can go to www.meadvilletribune.com to check them out. It is nice to support our troops and welcome them back.

Bad blogger

2009-09-12T11:58:00.000-07:00

I have been a bad blogger time I sit down to blog and its bedtime or supper needs done or someone is at the door or Pepper is trying to eat the mail carrier ( I bet they are glad there is a storm door between them and Pepper.) or the kids are threatening to kill each other or someone else. S is dealing with a bully and its not going well I have been in contact with the school principal seems like S went to punch this boys lights out and a teacher stopped her.

I don't agree with what S did but how about doing something about the boy that is bullying her our school district spent money on an anti bullying program how about putting it to use?

Lets see what else is going on Buford my sweet beagle decided to play retrieve the beagle the other night which caused me almost to fall luckily for him I didnt.

Mike has one more week of school left then he is taking a week off before starting work. It is nice to type that he has work (we think) and will be nice to have a steady income coming in. He also applied for his passport today.

Pixie is at doggie boot camp with my brother bubba learning not to jump on people which would be bad for me. That is about the only bad habit that pepper doesnt have.

Well that is all for right now hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Memories

2009-09-09T14:22:00.000-07:00

As the saying goes its one step forward two steps back. Y'all are probably tired of hearing how much I miss my mom in law I know I am tired of typing it. I thought the paxil was helping and it was I was done crying I was starting to heal and be able to go hours without realizing how much I miss her.

Then yesterday happened my father in law asked if he could come out and we said sure anytime and he did and he bought presents. He is starting to part with some things of moms and she had made photo albums of the kids from when I was pregant to they were minutes old after they were cleaned she had the honor of being in the delivery room with me in fact so did my father in law till I realized he was there and kicked him out politely of course.

She took lots of pictures saved every drawing and calendars with milestones on them and this made me cry all over again and realize again how much I miss her. Some days I wonder if my heart will heal I am sure it will. Such a sweet gesture from a great person who loved her family and grandchildren.

BIG HUGE NEWS!!!!!!!

2009-09-08T14:05:00.000-07:00

Well it seems like my husband has a job!!! He accepted a offer today we talked over the weekend debated back and forth and he took the one I voted for yaaaaaay he likes it too. He will be home most weekends and kids can ride in the summer one at a time.

And I wasn't going to say anything cause I don't want to jinx or feel bad if I fail but I have scheduled a drivers test and yes I can somewhat parallel park. The test is two weeks away I am not going to give the date just yet.

Labor Day

2009-09-06T15:03:00.000-07:00

I urge everyone to support and donate to Jerry's Kids this labor day weekend its a good cause and donations stay in the local area to help local kids with this disease.

Guess what I found a camera cord !!

2009-09-05T13:52:00.000-07:00

old hair and ms peaches
will post more pictures tomorrow of peaches and pixie

Busy as a bee

2009-09-05T12:48:00.000-07:00

The kids are back to school and we slowly are finding a routine I think. Pixie and the cats and dogs are adjusting (I hope) she is a hyper little bugger. But its been so busy around here Mike has 3 pre job hires so we need to make a choice I have put my opinion in and now are making a pro and con list.

A whole new world has opened for me being able to drive and its amazing I still need someone with me but I am building confidence and getting ready to take my test. It seems like the last three days there has been a lot of running and I get home to fix supper and relax for an hour and head to bed and start a new day but there is no more appts in Sept so maybe it will slow down a bit.

Hope everyone enjoys the holiday weekend and be safe.

Why I didnt drive when I was younger and an escapee

2009-09-02T15:38:00.000-07:00

Okay today has been an interesting day I rode over to the drs with my brother his appt. He got admitted to the hospital hes fine they just want to do some tests and other stuff. That meant my mom had to bring me home cause I didnt have a licensed driver with me so I couldnt drive.

My mom says to me why dont you drive I said fine and she about drove me nuts I swear either I was going to slow or too fast or something and she had me nervous when I finally parked at my house so I think God or whoever is in charge was saving this from me when I was younger.

On to the escapee Mr Henry escaped the other night and had been missing for 2 days and we were worried cause he doesnt have claws and the other cats that are strays do but Mike saw him run under the house and with some tuna and coaxing Henry is safely back in the house where he can become a spoiled cat again. We had been looking all hours for him hoping he would run into the house.

Tomorrow is a busy day with more driving but it will be with Karen my sis in law.

OH and a sidenote today would have been my mil's 65 birthday I woke up said a little prayer to her called my fil to say thinking about you as it has to be a hard day for you and he said thank you and he said its going to be a hard day for you (talking about me) but it was bearable (credit due to paxil I think).

Just call my house a zoo

2009-09-01T18:12:00.000-07:00

How do we find these animals? Tonight we rescued a pug dog for those keeping count thats 7 cats and 3 dogs. She is almost a year old and needs spayed I also need to learn the word no or be more convincing when I say no.

Oh yeah the 7 cats that live in the house so not thrilled with me or Pixie. Pictures coming as soon as I can remember to look or buy a camera cord 2 trips to walmart and still no cord see no wonder why we keep acquiring animals I forget how many are home to start with.

Thats all for now its 9 17 and I still havent eaten so I am leaving to eat.

Rain

2009-08-30T18:11:00.000-07:00

Summer has never really arrived here its been comfortable and a couple days of 80 plus temps with high humidity yesterday and today it has done nothing but rain.

I have sweats on today I am so sore from the rain I am ready for it to dry out. It didnt get above 60 today I have slept on and off all day and the heating pad feels so good on the back.

So I am wishes for dryer weather but probably wont happen for a couple days.

Hope everyone is safe and warm.

False alarm

2009-08-29T17:49:00.000-07:00

Sigh no camera cord I believe I am going to buy one Tuesday. We have torn the computer desk apart looking for it. My theory is Pepper got hungry and ate it.

In other news Mike got a letter in the mail that says please call us you passed our initial pre hire scan and we would love for you to drive for us. I am ready for this ride to be over and the new ride to begin.

I think I can handle him being gone as long as the children cooperate. If not I have ducttape handy

Found

2009-08-27T15:46:00.000-07:00

One Camera cord found pictures coming tomorrow (I promise) of previous hair and no glasses and new hair color.

Also the new furry member Ms. Peaches who is fitting in and acting like she has belonged here along. I would post them tonight but J took my camera to practice how to document pictures for 911 command and the fire dept.

Mike passed all of his tests and got fingerprinted today so just waiting for the federal government to declare him terrorist free cross your fingers and he has to have a passport which I hope is easy but its going to be expensive I am afraid.

Thats it for today

An day of driving and an answer to a question

2009-08-26T15:56:00.000-07:00

I drove a lot today as soon as I can get the parallel parking down I will be ready to take my road test and be an unchaparoned driver I cant wait. I drove to several spots to do errands in the next town over and I did great I didn't make my sister in law nervous I drove on a busy road and through major construction did fine through the construction and kept up with traffic yaaaaaay some of this involved backing out of parking spaces and I even put gas in the car.

Okay my friend Lynilu at Never Ending Journey posted a question and I thought I would submit my answer here as its long. She asked if we were to pick a new place and career where and what would it be?

As some of you know I was born with a birth defect and its called Muscular Dystrophy. I have always wanted to be a social worker but it just wasnt in the cards as they say. I have always wanted to trade places with a "normal" person for one day. Then I got to thinking about it I have learned some lessons and have taught lessons to living with this blessing as I call it.

I have taught my children to be compassionate

which is something that I would not give up.

I learned that adults are not perfect and will try to change what they cant control (havent decided if this is good or bad).

I learned that gym class can suck major donkey toes till you find the right teacher that takes the time to teach me a different way and (actually passed gym 10,11,12 grade yaaaaay)

But I have taught others to be patient and understanding and its okay for little

kids to ask me why I walk slow or funny that is how they learn.

I dont have a problem promoting Jerrys kids or the MDA and think a lot of people should support there local Mda some equipment is expensive and especially kids need all the support and help living with this.

I learned that I dont have to have my house perfectly cleaned and if I am hurting its okay to sleep most of the day or tell Mike sorry love your cooking tonight. So in essence I learned its okay to take of myself without feeling guilty.

I have learned the Muscle Gods are fickle and easily ticked off.

So I may not be what I wanted to be but I wouldnt trade it for anything and normal somedays is overrated. Would I choose this path again if I could choose who knows I have learned and taught some very important lessons so that has to count for something. Do I have bad days yes but the good days out number the bad days and I am enjoying life (next year best be a little more enjoyable lol) So it sneaks in my head sometimes that I would trade it all in a heartbeat but I dont say that everyday and dont think about it everyday.

I hope this makes sense.

Someone needs a life

2009-08-25T16:58:00.000-07:00

As I was sitting here flipping through the guide on the directv and not finding anything I wanted to watch and seeing a listing for Klondike Ice cream bars I thought boy directv needs a better line up I cant take anymore law and order or CSI the sad thing here is I flipped to the ice cream show.

I thought boy I need a life lol. But then I like the quietness of my life so I went back to the thought of Directv needs a better line up and settled on an old cartoon of Yogi the Bear see now we are back to I need a life.

I really need a life after blogging about this lol but again I like the quietness of my life its calmed down and we have a routine with Mike going to school and the kids getting ready to start in 8 days.

Orthodonist visit 6564

2009-08-24T17:29:00.000-07:00

Today was an Orthodontist appt for S and he said something that made S very happy she is responding well to treatment so they may come off early that made her so happy. I also found out something else today the bands and chains that are pretty and colorful actually have a purpose other then making them fun.

The chains close gaps between the teeth and the bands that go on the brackets and help place the wire where they need to be.

Then we went to my brother in laws to hang out with my nephews and sister in law me and my sister in law have not been on the best of terms but I promised mom I would try to look out for my nephews and help Karen and what is in the past is in the past. It was a nice visit till Mike came and retrieved us.

I am going back in Wednesday where we will travel to Erie and try to get Mikes birth certificate.

Hope everyone is safe and happy.

TCM

2009-08-23T12:15:00.000-07:00

We have a channel called TCM Turner Classic Movies on our Directv line up. We love it the kids and I have watched Herbie movies, The Apple Dumpling gang and they had a tribute to Mel Blanc and had a whole lot of older cartoons on it was wonderful.

Yesterday no one did anything to much and we watched TCM all day who was having a salute to Sterling Hayden my children commented how it was weird seeing movies in black and white and I was up till almost 2 watching a couple of his movies. I have on the dvr box Gone with the Wind for me and S to watch my mom in law was to come and watch it also as she never seen it but it never worked out so me and S will pop some popcorn and watch Clark Gable say "My dear I dont give a Damn".

School Progress

2009-08-21T17:58:00.000-07:00

Mike took his permit test today to be able to start driving semi's he passed that part. He also went to take his hazmat test but couldn't cause he did not have his birth certificate with him after he takes that and passes he then needs to go to the state police barracks to be fingerprinted.

Then they will send the request to the federal government to make sure hes not a terrorist I told him it would be easier to prove he was one good lord.

Started my new medicine today I know that it wont work overnight but I am looking forward to it working.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Lyrics

2009-08-20T09:09:00.001-07:00

Rio Diamond, In A Week Or Two Lyrics

Looking for Rio Diamond tabs and chords? Browse alphabet (above).

Artist: Diamond Rio
Song: In A Week Or Two
Album: Greatest Hits

Rio Diamond Sheet Music
Rio Diamond CDs

In a week or two
I would have been ready
I would have known what to say
But I missed my chance
When the words "I love you"
Came just a little too late

In a week or two
I was gonna bring you diamonds
In a week or two
A long, long string of pearls and
We would've run down to the river at night
Sailed away, just me and you
In a week or two

A little more time
Was all I needed
But somehow Fall became Spring
But put off today
What you can do tomorrow
Sometimes you don't do a thing

In a week or two
I was gonna bring you diamonds
In a week or two
A long, long string of pearls and
We would've run down to the river at night
Sailed away, just me and you
In a week or two

These words in my heart never had a chance to be heard
But I'm telling you now for all that it's worth

In a week or two
I was gonna bring you diamonds
In a week or two
A long, long string of pearls and
We would've run down to the river at night
Sailed away, just me and you
In a week or two

[ More Diamond Rio Lyrics ]

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me,
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

Chorus

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the tv off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do. With one more day with you

Chorus

Leave me wishing still for one more day
Leave me wishing still for one more day

These two songs were on a cd that I had burnt and grabbed for the ride and they said it all. How many of us wish for one more day with a loved one.

Medicine

2009-08-20T08:48:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling really bad lately not in pain just bad crying and all that. Maybe that's why I haven't blogged about it I did mention that I was going to see my doctor about a counseling well I did and not a minute too soon yesterday and today have been awful tears over a toilet paper commercial is getting silly.

On my way to the drs office the tears started over a song that I love its an old song by Diamond Rio called in a week or two I am going to try to post the lyrics later anyways I told him about the tears and he said its time to start some anti depressives so after I answered some questions and asked some questions he is prescribing Paxil. I hope and pray this works and in 2 weeks after I have been on the paxil he will recommend a therapist.

I am so against taking medicine without trying other things I remember that everyone wanted me to start J on ADHD meds and I said no not till we try this and that and finally after we tried and the school tried we said okay maybe its time for medicine

This is hard to admit but I have thought about taking a whole bottle of medicine and that scares me I was telling my friend and my sister in law this and they said its normal its scary when you walk out in the kitchen to get the bottle. I dont like feeling like this I dont like the kids seeing me like this so its time to change and if the medicine will do this then I say bring it on.

He did say with all that has happened this year he would be depressed also which made me feel a tad better.

He also said that with the unemployment so high he has seen a lot of people for depression.

So we shall see

Energy Audit

2009-08-18T17:10:00.000-07:00

I had an energy audit done on my house today. We did fairly well the electric company is going to replace our energy hogging fridge yaaaaaay. We do need to buy more power strips and rearrange somethings so when no one is on the desktop it can be shut off from the wall.

They will also be replacing the doors especially in the kitchen in January we need to replace the dishwasher Sears here I come. They were impressed with our little zoo. it was a productive day but I am ready for this day to end I went to bed around 5 was up around 10 so I am tired but my house is clean.

Busy weekend

2009-08-17T13:59:00.000-07:00

This weekend seen me having my hair colored it turned out pretty good although everyone says its orange its not orange. It also seen me do night driving which is tricky in that you need to watch for drunks at bar and taverns deer and the whole dimming and undimming lights. We went to Mikes brother Garys and his wife and I looked for highlights to touch up the gray that I have seen to have acquired and I couldn't find any that I wanted so she talked me into a lighter shade of red that I think that looks great.

I have also decided in this past year and its many curves its thrown I am going to counseling it has hit me that Mike isn't going to be here all the time and other things in the back of my mind that I need to talk to someone with. Now I am praying my insurance will cover it.

I have to say it was weird not blogging these last two days but a great break. Hope everyone is well and had a great weekend.

Health Care thoughts

2009-08-14T13:19:00.000-07:00

This issue is very emotional for me and we have great health insurance and have a great doctor it still matters to me to be honest it didn't much matter before May except we did want to be covered through COBRA because we thought our state coverage was not enough.

My mom in law didn't have health insurance after she retired but her doctor (same one we have) worked with her and got her meds through Walmart and seen her 6 months instead of the usual 4 till her medicare kicked in and it still wouldn't be easy for her she kept really good track of her sugar and watched her diet.

In 2000 they stopped at the house and said by the way your dad and I have made decisions Mike your in luck cause your the oldest and are in charge of everything and handed him papers they were their living wills and advanced directives and we want you to abide by our wishes and we became aware of what they wanted.

Although we didn't like what they decided we told them we would do as they wish my mom in law did not want cpr started no heroic measures at all no feeding tubes no tubes at all.

My sister in law stated that she would not obey the wishes when we were talking about this issue at a first aid cpr class we were taking. My mom in law stated that if Karen went against these wishes there would be hell to pay.

She always made us aware of what she wanted as loved ones passed we always joked with her that she was to stubborn to leave us and we needed her so she wasn't
going anywhere.

Fast forward to May when she wasn't feeling well for a couple days and we urged her to go the doctor she said no it would pass. My father in law put his foot down when she was clammy and sweating and took her to the er it wasn't a virus like she thought it was more serious it was pancrisitis and it caused her blood sugar to go way up then her kidneys shut down and it just got worse from there and she passed away a day before mothers day. She was 64 years old and had so many plans and so much life to live.

I implore everyone to talk to your elected officials not start riots not fear the government is out to kill us. Although I do believe medicare should pay for counseling to talk about the decisions before there is a crisis. In the state of Pa if you have a chance of recovery they can ignore your wishes which in this case they did when she coded. And talk to your loved ones about decisions and organ donation it was easy for Mike and his brothers and dad to agree what needed to be done cause they knew what mom wanted. Talk till your blue in the face even if they dont want to hear it it needs to be talked about.

This was a long post and I want to leave you with one more thought.

It was hard watching mom let go and we miss her terribly its heart breaking but its more heart breaking family fighting about what needs to be done or what ones wishes are.

Accomplished

2009-08-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

I got major grocery shopping done there are a few things I forgot but will go back and get them and I walked today another thing accomplished. It was still a busy day there is nothing on my agenda for tomorrow other then to get my house in store for the energy audit on Monday.

Nothing else to report on and plans for the weekend are coming into view and on this list is practice parking.

Running around in circles

2009-08-12T18:18:00.000-07:00

It seems like all I get done is coming and going it also seems like I am running around in circles today I had a few errands to do and it turned into an all day thing with stopping at Mcdonalds to pick up lunch for everyone I don't like doing that cause 1. Its expensive and 2 not all that healthy for one but the kids were happy.

I need to get grocery shopping done as there is nothing in the house to make a meal out of which is bad. I feel like there should be 2 of me . I came home to drop off lunch and the kids had not done any of their chores dishwasher hadn't been unloaded or loaded and they snap back cause I wasn't there to supervise. I am trying not to grump at them but come on they are 15 and 12 they should be able to do things without be told several times.

I haven't walked in two days and I miss that between being busy and the humidity summer decides to show up two weeks before school. So how does one make the time for ones self and trying to get everything else done that needs done?

I am tired its good to be tired and it keeps me out of trouble and thinking about things that I shouldn't think about. I did drive today scared my brother to death took a curve a little too fast and he gets mad if I drive above 50 but one needs to learn to travel with traffic.

I have people coming Monday to do an energy audit am I ready no I need to get S on cleaning her room I am afraid to go in cause I believe there is no floor in there.

I need to practice being more zen like and maybe life will slow down. One can hope right?

I swear I have the most stupidest insurance company in the world

2009-08-11T13:41:00.000-07:00

On July 30th when I became a somewhat licensed driver in pa (meaning I can drive with a licensed driver) I called our insurance company and asked them to add me to Mikes policy and we upped from liability to comprehensive and collision just in case someone had an accident we should have had it anyways.

They told me congratulations and happy driving and that they would order my drivers history just to make sure there was nothing on there. I told them there would be nothing on there cause I had never driven but I understand that they cant take my word for it. So as y'all know I drove happily.

Then they called and said Mrs.Rice your coming back as invalid and we would like to order another one but continue to drive cause your covered. Three days later they called back to verify numbers and I assured them that my permit is valid and my numbers on my state I.D and the permit numbers match so it was not a mistake on the dmv's part.

That's where it starts to get interesting they told me that I could have coverage but they would have to charge me 35 dollars more for an invalid drivers license charge I said wait a minute your not allowed to drive on an invalid drivers license so why would you have a fee for it and she couldn't answer so I haven't been doing much driving.

So today I called the dmv and they assured me I was valid and he would fax something to the insurance company stating this. I said fine he did and the stupid insurance company calls me and tells me maam your allowed to drive its just that we require you to have your drivers license in 30 days so by Aug 30 th I would have to have it or be dropped.

So I called them all angry and doing my most zen and polite voice I said you guys told me that if I drive Mikes car then its not covered so I haven't been driving. I kind of demanded an extension and she said let me talk to my supervisor and they extended so I am allowed to drive again and I will have my license by the middle of Sept.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm picture me in a mediation state all zen like.

A new day

2009-08-10T18:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went for a second walk and I didn't do the whole mile so I did half a mile and sat and watched the water for a while and I just had a calm feeling come over me I don't know that I ever will be okay with mom leaving but I suspect over time it will get easier and when its hard I think I will go to the dam and sit and just watch the water.

Mike started classes today and he is tired but he thinks he is going to enjoy this new direction in his life and my children are still alive so I think it was a good day all in all.

3 Months

2009-08-09T13:04:00.000-07:00

Today is 3 month anniversary of moms passing as I look back on the 3 months I see good and bad. I remember blogging days after and explaining we were numb I can say today I miss numb. But I know that one has to hurt to heal.

I know healing doesn't come overnight and I know that this emptiness in my heart will be there for the rest of my time she cant be replaced and I don't want her replaced.

Yesterday on our drive to our family reunion there was a song that was played over the radio and this song was a huge hit in the 80s and its called You Don't Know What You Have Till Its Gone and the group is Cinderella and I know that they were signing about heartache and the loss of a relationship I turned to my cousin and said boy isn't this the truth you don't know what you have till its gone meaning a relationship or the loss of a loved one.

In another 3 months I hope to look back at this and say I miss her less. I hope to say my heart is healed a little more I hope to say I can understand why God choose to take her to heaven my brother in law and I were talking about that the other day and he said the way that he looks at it is They needed someone of Moms character to brighten the place up. My mom tells me not question it just accept it.
So I guess another goal I should have is to accept the decision that she went to heaven.

I want to state clearly that I understand the decision that the boys and Dad made to end life support I supported that decision.

Okay that is all I have to say it was hard typing this post my thoughts were all over the place. Thanks for reading