As in the fog has lifted and it is great. I am laughing and smiling and not hurting as much missing mil. I can look back and remember the good times and love that just radiated out of her.
I also realized not only was I mourning her I was mourning a mom and daughter relationship and that made me angry cause my mom is alive but could care less for lack of a better word.
I am letting it go I cant be my moms keeper what choices she makes does not effect me and I am okay with whatever she decides.
As my friend lyn wrote on her blog at one point you have to own something for you to be at peace with it. I was not wanting to own it but it is what it is and we cant change what it is so stop resisting and own. Maybe its the paxil or maybe its the 6 months that has passed or maybe its my friend asking who I was angry at God or mil and I said neither I was angry at the situation and then I realized the situation was what it was and couldnt be changed no time would have healed her.
No time is going to make my mom be a mom so it is what it is and just deal. So I am owning and dealing and just letting it go has helped I feel so much lighter and happier.
Its great to type this thank you all for listening.
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Nice insight, Bobbie. You know, I said recently that one of the things I like about the man I just visited is that he doesn't blame others for what has not gone right in his life. Owning your feelings, emotions and actions is very healing and makes us stronger than whatever is hurting us. Good for you!
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