Friday, December 17, 2010

Wow 3 Months

Wow Its been 3 months since I blogged or read any blogs I miss that I dont seem to have any time anymore. I usually try to update on facebook but not a lot. Today is my last final for this semester. I cant believe its done or I have survived it. I did well in most of my classes failed one (algebra) its evil. I finished with A's in two of my classes and I am not sure of my history grade yet. Final is today. I love school it just is so awesome how much I was meant to do this. Next semester will involve 5 classes one of them being algebra this will go much better. Someone asked me the other day would I rather be young and my reply was no. I am comfortable in my skin I like who I am I dont care what other people think of me. I am going to try and update more often but please forgive me if I dont. Next semester is going to be as crazy as this one was.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

What did I do

Here it is the night before I start classes tomorrow and all day going through my brain is what did you do and why did you do it?

I wonder if this is what a man asks himself when hes having a midlife crisis. I am not having a midlife crisis I know why I did this and I think it will be fine and maybe fun. I did not enjoy school it was awful for me so this is my do over.

I intend on learning and I really want to help women could we even say somewhat change the system. Or maybe work with children.

Just right now I have a tummy full of butterflies.

Friday, August 13, 2010

I need a virgin or two please.

I know today is Friday the 13th I know people say that Friday the 13th is bad I say hogwash wait let me rephrase that maybe not so hogwashish.

Today was to be my non hospital day I had to do somethings to get ready for school and S had therapy and it was a nice day to go swimming so we headed to the local rec complex and they are closed due to a fundraising event. No problem we can roll with the punches and go somewhere else to swim.

So S and her friend swim and they decided maybe we could go to a couple thrift stores and shop cause thats what females do the best right?

We all pile in the car and go and I smell fluid oil or something like that and my car is not running right so I pull over and call my husband and he said you need to have it towed.

Nice I have S and her friend and S's therapist in the car the car isnt moving with transmission fluid all over the road. Yeah nice just what I need.

I need to make an offering to the Gods. How many virgins are needed to get the universe back in alignment?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Take two? Hopefully with a different ending

So Sunday I am sitting on the loveseat whining that I am sick and I hear an ambulance call for an address and it was my moms she had fallen out of her chair so I quit whining about sick I was and headed to the hospital where they were taking her.

She was quite confused and not breathing very well they put her on a bipap machine and admitted her into specialized care got her stable and I went home.

The hospital called me at 8 30 Monday morning and said we are life flighting her to Erie.

The craziness has begun I was up 30 plus hours before I came home and slept only cause the social worker on her floor told me I had to leave and get some sleep and not allowed back on the floor at the hospital for 24 hours unless there is an crisis.

Plus she called Mike and told him that they could not allow me to drive I am thankful that she watched out for me (although I couldnt see straight to drive).

Ummm my mom is on a venalator her kidneys are not working right but things are improving. They are weaning her off the venalator a little at a time its going well she has an infection somewhere but they cant find it.

We are taking this hour by hour every little improvement and milestone as we can. But the flashbacks and the last ending to this story before went so wrong.

I am rambling from being sleep deprived pray please.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

still here

I drug my sick bottom end into our local urgi care and they wouldnt treat me. Sent me to the emergency room. Two huge bags of fluid 2 injections through the I.V for the nausea and they sent me home. The blood work showed its probably a virus.

I am so tired and blah but at least the nausea is gone.

Thursday, August 5, 2010


Today was to be a busy day S had therapy for some anxiety issues and then an orthadonist visit (the braces are off) Well I havent moved at all all night I have been sick to my stomach bad sick.

Her therapist came out and got her and I have slept all day and would just like to curl up and die but that would require me feeling so much better. Because I am sick I hurt and dizzy so I get grief from people when I ask them to go get stuff from the store.

Not my husband but my brother and my son. I hope they catch this bug and I can be mean and hateful to them (no not really).

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Wow I took a blogger break.

Wow I took a blog break there has been things going on in my life that I didn't want to put into words. Lots of changes have been going on here.

1. I am going to school classes start Aug 30th I am so excited this has been a long time dream I am going for my masters in Social work with the goal of working with abused women.

2. Mike is working not what he wants to be doing but its a job and this is a good thing first time in my 18 years of marriage I was wondering if this marriage was going to last or If I was going to be in jail for murder.

3. My mom almost died I found that our journey is not over and I need to forgive her for some issues and move on. That being said I will guard my heart and keep my emotions close so not to get hurt.

4. Life is good my paxil has been reduced I cant believe that I have came so far since my mom in law passing. It amazes me that I have came so far and for that I have her to thank.

And I promise no more blogging breaks for 3 months but life maybe get a little busy with school.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I want to scream but I wont cause it wont do anygood.

Oh my goodness my family has totally lost their minds and is trying to take me down with them.

This is going to be a rant possibly a long one or not. I am annoyed with my husband its not his fault totally but some of it is first time in 17 years I thought about leaving for the night.

My brother is grumbling at me cause I havent exactly been kind to Mike but its hard being frustrated with him and the lack of a job and not a lot of income and a lot of bills.

Then I had a conversation with my mom tonight that just topped everything off. She is mad cause I didnt come over Mothers day I told her a couple weeks ago that I didnt really want to do anything for Mothers day as I wanted to be alone and mourn the 1st year anniversary of my mom in laws death yeah I know insensitive then I tried to take flowers over and she had a fit cause I spent the money on her.

Then she told me that S is lazy and we are allowing this to happen cause we dont make the kids go over and stay. Then tells me not to be mad then she starts in about she doesnt understand why I want to go to school that I will loose my SSI hmmmmmm mom maybe I can be a functioning member of society.

Tomorrow I am going over to spend the day with my bestest friend in the world.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Ummm cant think of a title

Well I have applied to Edinboro College please cross your fingers I get accepted. I have been wanting to blog about my vacation which was awesome and I need to repeat it next year but I might be in school so I may not be able to repeat it.

2nd Sunday it will be a year since my mom in law left us I have learned so much from her passing I need to do a blog about my feeling on that which are better then what I thought.

But life is so busy right now and new adventures keep popping up.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Granny squares and drs

I have a new hobby its crocheting granny squares love them and will post pictures along with vacation pictures.

I have the okay from my family dr to pursue school he thinks it would be great for me. No gym classes though he said there should be alternatives I hope so.

I seen I will have to take a creative writing class and a math class its scary I will probably start in the fall. 5 years for a masters Mike said I should plan on getting my doctorite I told him lets do the bachelor and masters first I will be graduating with S at some point lol. 5 years of school Oh my gosh am I nuts?

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Two things one huge one not so huge.

Two days before my 38th birthday as I lay awake last night not being able to sleep and thinking I want to explore more of life. I made a decision I am going to check into my local college in Edinboro and see what they can offer me. I want to be a social worker as long as I can remember thats what I wanted to do. I am hoping that they and I can work around this little annoyance of the md. Please pray for me that I am doing the sensible thing.

The other thing is I have been asked to start a blog about my childhood and the things I experienced. I dont want to bring all that back but maybe someone could get hope and help from it. I am not sure I want to do this. I found out some time ago that Terry is dying and my mom wanted me to go make peace with him. I have no desire to make peace with him. I told my mom that I would probably just help him die faster. Therapy and just not thinking about that has been a huge help to me and I am in a good place in life. I just dont know.

Friday, April 23, 2010


While in Arkansas I got hooked on a new food called hummus. I loved it there then I came home and bought some which I thought would be yummy it wasnt :(.

Can you make hummas or is there a brand that is better then the other? Please I need input.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I dont understand.

I am a news junkie and I love the show The First 48 for all that are not familiar with this show it follows real life homicide cops investigating murders.

Erie Pa is the third largest city's in Pa we are about 30 to 45 minutes from Erie. The city of Erie has had 4 homicide cases this year and the age of the killers have been 17 and 18 years old one guy was 67.

The 17 and 18 years old are black and drugs and/or robbery or just plain hate have been involved and the more The first 48 I watch I see the same thing.

It makes me want to ask what is wrong with our teens. Or better yet what is wrong with our society or the parents. I am raising two teens I dont let them get anything or watch or listen to anything they want they know if they dont follow me and Mikes rules there are consiquences. Tonight I asked J why he was failing two subjects and where his homework assignments were which resulted in him throwing a fit and getting grounded. I wonder how many parents of these teens asked them that?

But I am not blaming the parents here either I guess there is no one to blame is there it just makes me wonder why these young ones are throwing their lives away?

Is it drugs, money the easiness of guns who knows but somewhere someone has to have the answer.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

vacation,drama, and all that good stuff.

My blog has given me grief stating that it didnt exist grrr. My trip was awesome and I had a great time I plan on going back next year. I have some pictures to post and will as soon as I get permission from my friends. I loved the plane rides except the landing dont like the landings so well.

There is talk among my family not in my house if I cheated on my husband I can assure everyone that knows me and that reads my blog that I would never do that and these rumors will not be addressed again I am going to do my best to ignore it.

And my internet is fixed that is another post for another day. Hughsnet will not be getting a recommendation from me.

More to come.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

5 Days

erFive days till I leave on my little adventure. I cant wait!!!!!!!! I am not so worried about the flight but please pray I dont experience turbulance.

We are going into OK city to spend the day and into Lawton I want to see the federal building memorial and want to see the FT Sill museum in Lawton and a railroad museum. I cant wait oooooooops already said that.

On march 27 I head to Arkansas to spend four days with one of my bestest friends in the whole world she has plans for Hot Springs Ar and into Little Rock and promises of hot tubs and swimming pools. I return home on the 3rd of April no plans to do anything but relax and regroup.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Please some one shoot me!!!!!!!!!!

Hughes net was here and hooked up everything except my router which I should have paid the 45 dollars and had them hook up the router.

This is not going well my modem wont talk to my router and if I get them to talk the router wont talk to the laptop come on get over the fight and make up already cause this is driving me nuts.

There is Job drama going on here with Mike being home and I am planning my sister in laws murder as we speak.

More tomorrow I hope.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Leaving on a jet plane

I am so excited I am leaving on my trip March 19th and I will be gone two weeks. Two weeks of no children no husband just relaxing and chilling with friends I am so excited.

I am going to visit two friends one in Oklahoma and one in Arkansas. I cant wait.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Take that Verizon

I hate hate hate Verizon I thought it was my only option for internet cause I refuse to give up my directv or pay two tv bills.

I kept going back and forth do I deal with verizon or go without internet (not an option) then the solution hit me. I talked with bubba and we have agreed to split the internet bill.

I am getting Hughsnet yaaaaaaaaaaaaay. On Feb 25 they will come and install it. I am so happy. So a couple more days with internet here and there then I will be back on full time I cant wait.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Birthday James

I am a bad bad bad mom January 28th was James birthday. I am late with this post I am so sorry James.

He is my go to boy if I need help hes right there to help me. I am proud of the man he is becoming he really loves his community and everyone tells me what a great helper he is.

He is a great big brother although his sister annoys him he is a great pet owner although I get frustrated with Pepper.

I cant wait to see what the future brings my sweet baby boy (yes you will always be my baby boy).

Thursday, February 11, 2010


Saturday will be my 17th year anniversary yeah where has the time gone? I love my husband more then words he is a great guy and we have the same values hes just awesome.

This doesnt mean that we havent had our problems or there are days I want to do him in half our battle was won cause I adore his dad and adored my mil. She always said dont hold your mouth if your angry with him then tell him but be respectful about it no need to call names that just makes things worse.

One rule that I have always tried to keep is dont invite more people in the marriage then two of us. To me that means I dont go to my mom or Mikes dad with our problems I do talk to my friend but she is impartial and tells me to deal or move on.

And we need to be responsible with each other I have no secrets from him he has my email password and my voicemail password. Although he never checks them not that he has any reason to.

I also have his. He is coming home Monday night I cant wait he was to rent a car but instead bought me an anniversary present I am trying to be thankful but I would rather him rented the car. But thats life.

Our other rule is its to easy to walk way stay and fight. Here is to more anniversary's

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Come on

Z pack come on do your stuff show the germs who the boss is. Yeah not much better well the throat is chest not so much. Again Z pack do your stuff how many days till spring?

Monday, February 8, 2010


I was over winter when fall arrived. I say snow is evil but I am rethinking that statement to add snow is evil and so is the cold and flu season. I still not feeling back to 100 percent S is sick with a sore throat and body aches and a high temp the flu loves my house for some reason.

J is not sick he may die for that or maybe not it will take to much energy to do him in and then dispose of the body.

The bears have the right idea of hibernating to spring. I could just pack my bags and move to the Bahamas yeah thats it here I come Bahamas.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Sleep or lack of it

I am trying to give up insominia but its not working last night I was up to 6 am the kids and my phone let me sleep till 1 pm. I find that today I am down as in depressed and this is important because I feel a lot better totally not healed but enough to say I am healing.

So I think that lack of sleep is messing with my mood. I have tried non caffinated tea given up soda (which wasnt hard since I dont drink much to begin with). Try not to watch interesting tv prayed to the sandman I really cant do a sleep aid with the muscle relaxer.

The doctor cant do a sleep study cause one needs to sleep in order for a sleep study to be effective.

I think I will just hunt down that evil sandman down and steal his sand. Is that a felony?

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


I am finally starting to feel better or thats what I thought. I felt great yesterday so I decided to put on jeans and contacts and get out of of the house. I went into my Sister in laws Amandas house.

We had a great day fun lunch shopping a trip to Erie we got so lost but it was so funny I think there was an illegal right turn at one point.

Today achy and yucky feeling and so very tired maybe tomorrow will be better but I wouldnt trade it for anything.

Saturday, January 30, 2010


BoldMake sure fire hydrants are unburied could save your or your neighbors house.

Friday, January 29, 2010


Not as in feeling well but as in its strep and brochitis and the strep infection is bad. Plus was starting to get dehydrated I am so done with winter and cold and flu season. I got a shot in my bum vicadin to calm the muscle gods down and an antibiotic to fight the strep lets pray it starts working soon.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

still ugh

Still so very sick I have no voice nyquil has been my very best friend. Check back tomorrow

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


I have the flu that Sarah had last week I feel miserable and yucky. I know that I wont die cause that would make me feel so much better. Be back in a couple days.

Monday, January 25, 2010

A long car ride

Me and Ken took Mike down to Carisle Pa yesterday I am up at the top of the state near Erie. Carisle is at the bottom of the state after Harrisburg can I say it was a long freaking trip with a certain brother lighting up a joint yeah lovely but I didnt say anything cause I didnt want to walk home and his dr approves of it whatever.

I am so tired and cant make sense of anything. So i will be back tomorrow back to my usual witty (IMO) self (maybe)

Saturday, January 23, 2010

trip or bust

My trip that I posted a little bit of details about has been postponed. More details later.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Whirlwind life

Mike is home for 4 days life has been non stop as in I miss my pjs. We have went to New York got new cell phones and new cell phone contracts I love my new phone is a rumor 2 almost as addicting as a blackberry.

Hmmm what else oh S has the flu and I am sure everyone in the house will have it and I have a new addiction its coffee and creamer I have never been a coffee person but my mind has been changed.

I am going away on a trip more details in the coming days I cant wait. I have decided that I am staying overnight in Cleveland the night before my flight to Oklahoma.

I am not taking any children a spouse or pets can you say peace and quiet.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Love or Hate (or really obsessed)

I love my contacts I also love my glasses but I have to say I love my contacts more. Well around Christmas time my right eye started bothering me and it was a fight to keep a contact in.

Well my right eye just kept getting worse and worse to where it was hurting and itchy and just miserable and I finally called my eye doc and said I am afraid its the MD acting up and effecting my eyes and I wasnt ready to admit that.

This is why one without a medical degree shouldnt try to practice medicine. He said how long do you wear your contacts before replacing them and I said months at a time I wear them till they rip.

He looked at me and said no no no no no. I have developed an allergy from the build up on the contact the name of this is gpc its a form of conjunctivitis. I will be doing eye drops for a month and not wearing contacts for awhile. This bums me out cause as I said I love my contacts or I am really obsessed with them.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Jan 19 1981

I was 8 on that date and my life changed forever. I remember my mom coming home and telling my brothers as they got out of bed that dad had gone to be with God in heaven.

I remember laying there and not wanting to hear that news I remember how sad I felt but not really understanding how life was going to change and how much I would miss him.

I have to say I would rather deal with grief as an 8 year old then grief as an 37 year old. I still love you Dad.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Saving me

I love love love love and did I mention Love Nickelback they are so hot and sound so very good this surprises my kids they think I am to old to enjoy them.

I have several of there cds the favorite is For all the right reasons there are several good songs on there but right now my favorite is Savin me.

I love the lyrics to it one of the lines is "Heavens gates wont open for me these wings are broken" and wants someone to rescue him. I so understand these lyrics when my mom in law past away I was so angry with God but I was angry at him for answering my prayers yes you read that right I was angry for him answering me.

Then I was angry at myself for being angry at God but as time moves on I am not angry I am not angry with God and I am not angry with myself because someone
saved me as in told me it was okay to be angry with God and myself.

Anger is an emotion and we need to deal with the emotions before we can heal.

My friends save me my question is who saves you when you need saving and have you told them how thankful you are that they are able to save you when you need saving.

Sunday, January 17, 2010


Its fixed no more wondering if I need a flame retardant suit. Thanks to my brother in law Dave (not bubba) and Mikes friend Brian. I owe people dinners now.

Saturday, January 16, 2010


Yesterday I braved my car and went to pick up the auto parts I needed but before I left I noticed a post on facebook from my friend who is having a hard time with one of her sons.

So after I picked up my parts I went to my friends house and said I am here to kidnap you we need chocolate and coffee (that fixes everything). So we headed up to Kings for dessert as we sat there chatting we decided this was nice and we didnt want it to end but our choices were limited so we said hmmmm lets go to a movie we looked at each other and said whats playing.

We talked the waitress into a newspaper and looked and at the same time we said the blind side.

Great movie great actors great story.

We decided that we need to do this once of month if not sooner. I enjoyed myself being away being away from the kids infact I turned off the cell phone.

Its great rescuing friends and not rescuing and being rescued.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Ugh but good or bad I dont know

It has been a day. Good or bad I dont know yet S had an appt at the torture chamber aka orthadonist office and I found my muffler had dropped and if I moved I would run over it and that would not be good. Dr Smith came out and looked and said he would help if I needed it I told him thank you but my brother in law was on his way to help.

Did I mention our car has a tiny little gas leak so bro in law couldnt weld the muffler back cause no one wants to go boom and I like my car so I drove out the mechanics house to see what he could do with the muffler and gas leak.

The gas leak is bigger then what we thought and there is a small or medium chance the exhaust leak could mix with the gas leak and cause a small or medium fire if I should see flames exit the car and call 911.

So tomorrow I have to go buy gas lines and take the car back out to Brians house he will replace the lines then Dave my bro in law (not bubba) will weld the muffler back on.

I am not panicking this is just an inconvience that I am handling without depending on Mike see strong woman.

I wonder if I should buy a fire retardant suit?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

mental health services suck big donkey toes

Grrrrrrrr I spent most of the morning on the phone trying to convince the intake manager that my daughter does NOT have behavioral problems and she is having some anxiety issues but nothing else. This process is causing me anxiety and stress and I am going to have behavioral problems.

The case manager for this therapist wants the school involved I say no because that is her safety zone where she gets to be a kid and hang out with other kids. I will talk to her councilor at school and see what she recommends.

There is so much to do before she even gets in she has to have an interview and testing I think would have been easier just do the medication but the medication is not what is right parenting is never easy. But mental health should be much easier to access.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A Long Day

Its been a long day today S had a drs appt over some anxiety issues and it was decided therapy would be a great idea before we put her on anti anxiety meds I was hoping he would say that I am a big believer of less medicine more other things. S is okay with therapy will blog more about this tomorrow.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Wow I took a blog break

Sorry for the silence I told a friend last night when she asked why I wasnt blogging or when i was going to blog again. So here I am blogging I dont know where to begin so much has changed and I have been okay with the change.

I have a drivers license I love my drivers license its so freeing I am planning on taking the kids to Erie to see the Ice dunes that form on Lake Erie and I will take my camera and take pictures they are so pretty.

Mike loves his job and you know I am okay with him being gone I keep telling myself It is what it is and this is good for him and me and the kids I found out I am a strong person.

Christmas was great but also a bittersweet time Mike made it home and we were so busy with not being home we didnt have time to think about the people we lost.

Me and S went over to my friends house for 4 days to spend new years with her I was planning on getting so drunk to forget 2009 but I didnt took a bottle of Cherry Vodka and didnt even drink any of it although we did have a couple wine coolers no one was near drunk.

We gecko sitted S class pet which is a leopard Gecko.

I am planning a trip in Feb it will be nice to get away will be gone for almost two weeks more details to follow.

I look in the mirror and I cant believe all that has changed and is changing and I cant believe I am this woman who is doing things and not depending on other people to help me out. I am a strong person that didnt give herself enough credit.

Mike has helped me see this I love my life and family even with all the bad changes last year brought.