I am not a selfish person but tonight it was pointed out to me I was and my daughter is right I am selfish. I am not being hard on myself I am just facing the truth do I want the newest toy out on the market no?Do I want something from someone that we cant afford no I dont? Would I deny someone food or water or whatever then needed no I wouldnt? So you ask how can you be selfish well here it is. I want my mom in law back I want her to pat my back and tell me Chester (he died Friday morning) is no longer suffering and he is in a better place.
I want to know how much I am loved by a parental figure. I want to know its okay to be out of my comfort zone (lets face it thats been going on most of the year). I want my comfort zone back.
One part of me is glad she is in heaven but the other part of me struggles wanting her here and I want Chester here too.
The strange thing in all of this is I dont feel like this regarding my dad yes he was an awesome guy and a great dad but I dont grieve for him but that has been 20 plus years . Is it the newness in these deaths will I miss them less in 20+ years who knows but for right now I want them back from heaven and now wouldnt be soon enough.
Thank you for listening to me ramble. I need to do a blog about Chester he was quite a character and brought a lot of joy and laughter into lives he touched.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment