Saturday, November 21, 2009


For the past 3 days I have had migraines I am going to see my doctor Tuesday I dont usually have these types of headaches and for the last 2 days i have slept almost all day and evening.

Mike will be leaving sometime this up coming week. It will be okay and I know I can do this and I know the kids are going to help and be good (well maybe good is an overstatement) but we will survive.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

News update

I have been horrible at blogging the truth is there are lots of things to blog about but I wanted and needed to wrap my little brain about all the things that are going to happen.

1. Mike has a job this is wonderful but he will be on the road for 28 days after 3 days of orientation in Iowa I am not sure how I feel about this I am elated but sad all the same time my friend said imagine actually liking your husband wanting him around.

2. This one surprised me I am letting the school district through our local ambulance service vaccinate the kids with H1N1 I am not opposed to the vaccination I am opposed to the school district act like my doctor but my doctor is not getting the vaccinations.

3. Report cards have been passed out and reviewed S made high honors J did pretty well but seriously does not understand biology and instead of asking for help just let it slip no more of doing that his butt now that marching band is done will be at after school tutoring.

4. Spent 214 dollars to get a cat well and will have to take him back in January to have his teeth clean. Why dont cats eat bones lol.

I think thats all.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

stupid parrallel parking and other thoughts.

It didnt go well today it didnt go so well that they took my permit and made me go get a new one thankfully no test was involved I am beginning to hate the dmv and the stupid stupid stupid parallel parking it sucks big donkey toes.

I wanted to share some thoughts. On my friend Caroline 's blog she was saying she isnt the same person she was when she started blogging.

I am not the same person I was when I married Mike I grew I trusted another and learned to work as a team.

I am not the same person I was when I had Mr.J I am responsible for another life and he was so cute and cuddly. I knew life would be good and I couldnt feel sorry for myself anymore cause it was no longer about me.

I am not the same person when I had Ms.S I now had to cuddly cute children to care for and life was going to get interesting very fast.

I am not the same person I was when I found out I had Md.

I am not the same person I was when my mother in law died I strive to be a better person to give more back to the world instead of taking. I keep telling family members to give to toys for tots in my name or some charity like that.

My life has changed so much and I hope to grow and learn from all the misery that has been so evident this year.

My question to you all is what lessons will you learn or have learned this year and what do you want to happen the rest of the year?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Stay Tuned

Tomorrow is the big day I am confident I can do this. Stay tuned. Also I am going to have to take Tiggs to the vet he has a toothache. How am I going to get a 35 lb cat in a small kennel.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


As in the fog has lifted and it is great. I am laughing and smiling and not hurting as much missing mil. I can look back and remember the good times and love that just radiated out of her.

I also realized not only was I mourning her I was mourning a mom and daughter relationship and that made me angry cause my mom is alive but could care less for lack of a better word.

I am letting it go I cant be my moms keeper what choices she makes does not effect me and I am okay with whatever she decides.

As my friend lyn wrote on her blog at one point you have to own something for you to be at peace with it. I was not wanting to own it but it is what it is and we cant change what it is so stop resisting and own. Maybe its the paxil or maybe its the 6 months that has passed or maybe its my friend asking who I was angry at God or mil and I said neither I was angry at the situation and then I realized the situation was what it was and couldnt be changed no time would have healed her.

No time is going to make my mom be a mom so it is what it is and just deal. So I am owning and dealing and just letting it go has helped I feel so much lighter and happier.

Its great to type this thank you all for listening.

Monday, November 9, 2009

I dont feel bad

I love Msn I get my news there and I love the odd stories . I have been teased and taunted for failing my drivers test 2 times I dont mind it has been all in fun and I will show them.

Well the teasing and taunting stops today In South Korea there was a lady who failed her test 949 times she passed the written test on the 950th time. So it pays to keep trying and trying and trying will pay off although I am fairly confident it will not take me 949 times.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

In Rememberance part 2

Chester worked for Alliance College and the Bartlett Apartments until he became employed by his late friend Bob Stine,at Modern Radio. He became well known locally as a knowledgeable and honest electrician and television repairman. As part of his employment he helped develop and start the area's first cable television company.

Chester continued to work for Modern Radio after the death of Mr.Stine and remained with them until his retirement. After retirement as a hobby, he continued to repair televisions and other electronics, the business closed in 1999.

Chester loved to share his life experiences with his friends.His recollection of his life during WWII was filled with intimate details of how people were treated. He loved life's simple pleasures time spent with family and friends, and picnics with his mother.

He also enjoyed time spent with his niece as she was growing up, trolleys,train rides and even a beautiful view. He liked to recall his earl days in Cambridge Springs and how the town was busy with tourists and businesses.

He loved animals,especially cats. He kept company with many cats in his lifetime and treated each one with the same love and care that a person would treat a child.

He had many houseplants and prided himself with his large quantity of Christmas Cactus that bloomed often.

He liked to watch wrestling,old movies,and old sitcoms on the tv. He watched the weather and news constantly to keep up with world events. he had a wonderful sense of humor and enjoyed making people laugh as much as he liked to laugh himself.

He was proceeded in death by his older brother who died at a young age from a head injury, his father and mother, a sister and brother in law Lucyna and Leon Rymaszwski. He is survived by his niece- Izabela and her husband of Texas. his great niece and her children his great nephew and God son. He is also survived by his long time friend Wanda of Cambridge Springs his friends Debbie and Kc and their daughter Becky of Edinboro. and his neighbors me and Mike and our children.

I know he loved cats cause he spent more on cat food then he did on his groceries. Thank you for letting me share this.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

In Rememberance

Chester my neighbor was such a wonderful person and treated everyone like they mattered and he was never to busy to say hi or talk. I thought I would share some of his history.

Chester Ratajewicz

Chester Ratajewicz 85 of 227 Bolard Avenue Cambridge Springs died Friday morning October 30 2009 after a brief illness. He was born to the Lt.Colonel Kladian Ratajewicz and his wife Stanislana on April 24 1924 in Russia. He spent his young childhood with his family and extended family in Russia and in Poland.

After the beginning of WWII he together with his mother,sister and other family members, moved throughout areas of Russia,Poland, and Germany for survival reasons.His mother was able to keep them together and alive throughout the war by moving them with the German front, often living in work camps. As a result of these movements he spoke fluent Polish, Russian, and German.

He had a personal knowledge of how family,friends,acquaintances and those he did not know,met the challenges they encountered to survive in Europe during WWII. His last work station was an electrician in the train yard in Germany.

In 1950 Chester was sponsored by the Polish National Alliance to come to the U.S.
He arrived by boat in New York City on March 3,1950 and after processing immediately traveled by train to Cambridge Springs Pa. He began employment upon his arrival as a furnace tender/electrician at the former Alliance College. After settling inot the community, he gained sponsorship for the remainder of his family- his mother,sister Lucy and her husband Leon Rymaszwski, and a niece to move from Germany to the United States as well.

This is turning into a long blog post I think we will make it two parts. So stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Family drama

I dont know how to blog about this my mom is sick and is refusing to go to the doctor. She wants to die she is only 57 I am tired of talking her out of this. Tonight I told her I am done going to funerals so if she wants to die then fine but I will not be attending her services.

Mean and harsh yes but I am tired of trying to put her back together when I am having a hard time keeping me together she is to be the mom I am not the mom to her just once she needs to think of others.The more I type this the madder I get grrrrrrrrrr.

Tomorrow happy post I hope.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

funerals and driving

I swear if I see another funeral home it will be too soon Chester's funeral was small and great the preacher did a great job without knowing him. I went over to my uncles calling hours but didn't stay long I was tired too and didn't want to hit any deer coming home.

I drove over yes I drove a long distance drive with my brother and it felt great except I almost ran over a state trooper which would have been very bad but in my defense he was in my lane I was blinded with firetruck,tow truck, and ambulance lights and he was dressed in black how about putting some reflector vest or tape or something some where and stay the heck out of the lane that the fire police who was wearing a lime green reflector tape on his helmet and bunker gear directed me to.

A note to Caroline I am going to try and blog for 31 days.

Monday, November 2, 2009

I freaking cant catch a break

I didnt read the morning papers on line this morning like I usually do and we headed to the funeral home to be with Chesters family when we came home I read my one paper on line and noticed my uncle had died. Yes I said died my mom had called and left it on the machine but S never told me.

Two funerals for 2 people that I care about is too much I cant do it I am not doing it. I am so done with 2009 cant we just skip to 2010 tonight when I get back or tomorrow I am going to post Chesters obit he had such an interesting life.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Selfishness and comfort zones

I am not a selfish person but tonight it was pointed out to me I was and my daughter is right I am selfish. I am not being hard on myself I am just facing the truth do I want the newest toy out on the market no?Do I want something from someone that we cant afford no I dont? Would I deny someone food or water or whatever then needed no I wouldnt? So you ask how can you be selfish well here it is. I want my mom in law back I want her to pat my back and tell me Chester (he died Friday morning) is no longer suffering and he is in a better place.

I want to know how much I am loved by a parental figure. I want to know its okay to be out of my comfort zone (lets face it thats been going on most of the year). I want my comfort zone back.

One part of me is glad she is in heaven but the other part of me struggles wanting her here and I want Chester here too.

The strange thing in all of this is I dont feel like this regarding my dad yes he was an awesome guy and a great dad but I dont grieve for him but that has been 20 plus years . Is it the newness in these deaths will I miss them less in 20+ years who knows but for right now I want them back from heaven and now wouldnt be soon enough.

Thank you for listening to me ramble. I need to do a blog about Chester he was quite a character and brought a lot of joy and laughter into lives he touched.