Mikes shop

Sunday Mike called his boss and told him that mom had passed and Gene took the info and expressed his condolences.

Monday his human resource person called and asked for the info again we thought they were just checking and verifying that she did actually die.

When we got to the funeral home there was a great big basket of flowers from Mikes shop I was shocked. Last night Mike went back to work and they had a card with 70 dollars from his shift we were wondering where we would get money for gas next week as he only worked one day while mom was on life support.

Today in the mail was a sympathy card from the whole shop with a 50 dollar gift card for walmart.

The other brothers employers did nothing and Mikes human resource person apologized for not makig it to the calling hours.

As we didnt like the layoffs they took care of Mike during that time made sure they signed up as a employer of displaced workers that made Mike eligible for training.

He likes where he works and I do to.

numbness follow up

The other day I blogged about being numb and how I didnt like numbness and Lyn pointed out that numbness was good cause I would be miserable otherwise.

Ms. Lyn is a wise person and I can say I miss numb I am not going to speak for other people but when there was stuff to be done we did it to get dad through this he was our main concern.

Today I cant wrap my head around that I wont ever talk to her again or see her lovely smiling face. This makes me want to cry and I have cried I cried in the shower.

Mike is going back to work tonight he needs to keep busy and he said we need to get back to normal I told him I dont think things will ever get back to normal he agreed we now have a new normal and it sucks.

I always found it weird that in history we refer to B.C and A.d (Before Christ) and (After death). I competly get it now things in this time and I hope it goes away will be considered after moms death. She made plans to attend my nieces 6th grade graduation and we would get dad and they would switch at 12th grade graduation.

Now that event as happy as it will be will just be a little sadder cause we all understand the A.d.

Talking to my friend today understands this and she said welcome to the club its a stinky club with an exclusive membership.

When my dad died I was all of 8 years old and didnt understand the whole grieving and missing someone so bad that your heart ached concept. I have lost a brother and several aunts and uncles but this loss hurts the most.

Thank you for listening to me ramble.

We are..............

The numbness is going away I am realizing this is not a bad dream she is really gone. But I so wish it was a bad dream. She will be missed she never treated me like a daughter in law but as a daughter.

She told me if it didnt work out with Mike I could come live with them and Mike could fend for himself. I was closer to her then my own mother.

I am torn I am glad the funeral is done with but I cant handle the idea of not ever seeing her again till I get to heaven. Her funeral was wonderful a packed house. Mikes shop sent a huge basket of flowers and his human resource manager apologized for not making it to the funeral home.

My mom did make an apperance which made me feel a tad bit better. Mikes grandma and one aunt snubbed dad and the boys but that is their problem we followed Moms wishes for that we have no regrets.

Tomorrow the kids are going back to school for being out almost 2 weeks. I am glad they got the time to say goodbye to their grammy. I want to thank you all for the thoughts and prayers. Please continue praying that our hearts heal and some of the sadness goes away. Life will get back to normal in the next weeks and months.

One more statement that surprised me. I missed the loveseat my foot is swollen and not ready for weightbearing and I may just be in trouble but I would do it all over again to have the time to spend with her.

Exhausted

Numb and exhausted I am looking forward and dreading tomorrow all in one feeling. The preacher asked if we had anything we wanted read and I said yes.

The poem is do not stand at my grave and cry for I did not die I do not sleep if yall want it let me know and I will post it tomorrow or wendsday.

that is all for now please pray for peace tomorrow

Numb

People ask how we are and honestly I dont know how we are we are numb. I hate being numb it implies we dont feel anything but its like we are in a bad dream and are trying to wake up and then we realize we are awake.

Talking to my mom today I was explaining this to her and she said well you did pray that she would go yes mom I did thank you for that reminder. I am sure she didnt mean it the way it came out on the other hand I dont know.

Us girls went and picked out her outfit and took it to the funeral home no one should have to do this on Mothers day.

I struggle to find acceptance in this yet I know she is in a better place singing with the angels out of a body that was sick she has peace I hope peace comes here.

I dont know how not to cry over this. I dont know how my father in law is going to be.

I am thankful and beg anyone who is reading this to have a living will to be sure your family knows your wishes it made Mike and his brothers and Dads decision easy.

I am going to put a thank you card in her casket she taught me how to be a daughter in law, wife, mother, a better person for that I owe her my thanks.

I am glad this last week we were able to spend it with her making sure she was kept comfortable. I am glad that my children got to experience compassion and that she died with dignity .

The next couple days will be hard but some how someway the pain and numbness will be replaced with happiness and calmness. Pray that comes soon.

Singing with the angels

Between 8:30 and 8:45 me and Mike woke up out of a sound sleep and then we heard the cell phone ring. Mom came back and reclaimed her body and is up in heaven singing with the angels.

She will be missed terribly. We are so relieved she is not suffering or is in pain and has found her peace. Thank you all for your prayers.

Too tired to think of a title

In the last 48 hours me and Mike has maybe had a total of 6 hours sleep. My friends that is not a lot of sleep I am tired and cranky and sad and just a whole mess of emotions.

My mom in law the tough old bird(typed with love) is stubborn and still hanging on they with our assistance are keeping her comfortable.

There is all kinds of drama that we could do without going on some of it stupid some of it understandable but sad and stupid at the same time. Moms mom is upset and is pushing for a feeding tube and all that the boys and Mikes dad have said no we tried to explain that her living will did not want that.

So we are labeled as murderers and uncaring but that is okay they are big and can take it but if they keep demanding this from the dr and nurses at least Mikes aunt will be banned.

My mom on the other hand is on my last nerve (which is very short) she wants her house cleaned and is demanding that I let my children come over so they can clean her house.

Yes mom their grammy is going to join God anyday now and the kids want to go over to your house and clean. My brother told her that me and Mike have enough on our plates to deal with then driving and picking up kids.

My mom also thinks its wrong for the kids to be at the hospital they understand grammy is dying and she left her body Sunday and they are okay with it. I would like to think that its a comfort to have the kids there.

Thank you for all the prayers and well wishes and please continue to pray that she will go join God.