Numb

People ask how we are and honestly I dont know how we are we are numb. I hate being numb it implies we dont feel anything but its like we are in a bad dream and are trying to wake up and then we realize we are awake.

Talking to my mom today I was explaining this to her and she said well you did pray that she would go yes mom I did thank you for that reminder. I am sure she didnt mean it the way it came out on the other hand I dont know.

Us girls went and picked out her outfit and took it to the funeral home no one should have to do this on Mothers day.

I struggle to find acceptance in this yet I know she is in a better place singing with the angels out of a body that was sick she has peace I hope peace comes here.

I dont know how not to cry over this. I dont know how my father in law is going to be.

I am thankful and beg anyone who is reading this to have a living will to be sure your family knows your wishes it made Mike and his brothers and Dads decision easy.

I am going to put a thank you card in her casket she taught me how to be a daughter in law, wife, mother, a better person for that I owe her my thanks.

I am glad this last week we were able to spend it with her making sure she was kept comfortable. I am glad that my children got to experience compassion and that she died with dignity .

The next couple days will be hard but some how someway the pain and numbness will be replaced with happiness and calmness. Pray that comes soon.