numbness follow up

The other day I blogged about being numb and how I didnt like numbness and Lyn pointed out that numbness was good cause I would be miserable otherwise.

Ms. Lyn is a wise person and I can say I miss numb I am not going to speak for other people but when there was stuff to be done we did it to get dad through this he was our main concern.

Today I cant wrap my head around that I wont ever talk to her again or see her lovely smiling face. This makes me want to cry and I have cried I cried in the shower.

Mike is going back to work tonight he needs to keep busy and he said we need to get back to normal I told him I dont think things will ever get back to normal he agreed we now have a new normal and it sucks.

I always found it weird that in history we refer to B.C and A.d (Before Christ) and (After death). I competly get it now things in this time and I hope it goes away will be considered after moms death. She made plans to attend my nieces 6th grade graduation and we would get dad and they would switch at 12th grade graduation.

Now that event as happy as it will be will just be a little sadder cause we all understand the A.d.

Talking to my friend today understands this and she said welcome to the club its a stinky club with an exclusive membership.

When my dad died I was all of 8 years old and didnt understand the whole grieving and missing someone so bad that your heart ached concept. I have lost a brother and several aunts and uncles but this loss hurts the most.

Thank you for listening to me ramble.