This weekend seen me having my hair colored it turned out pretty good although everyone says its orange its not orange. It also seen me do night driving which is tricky in that you need to watch for drunks at bar and taverns deer and the whole dimming and undimming lights. We went to Mikes brother Garys and his wife and I looked for highlights to touch up the gray that I have seen to have acquired and I couldn't find any that I wanted so she talked me into a lighter shade of red that I think that looks great.
I have also decided in this past year and its many curves its thrown I am going to counseling it has hit me that Mike isn't going to be here all the time and other things in the back of my mind that I need to talk to someone with. Now I am praying my insurance will cover it.
I have to say it was weird not blogging these last two days but a great break. Hope everyone is well and had a great weekend.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Health Care thoughts
This issue is very emotional for me and we have great health insurance and have a great doctor it still matters to me to be honest it didn't much matter before May except we did want to be covered through COBRA because we thought our state coverage was not enough.
My mom in law didn't have health insurance after she retired but her doctor (same one we have) worked with her and got her meds through Walmart and seen her 6 months instead of the usual 4 till her medicare kicked in and it still wouldn't be easy for her she kept really good track of her sugar and watched her diet.
In 2000 they stopped at the house and said by the way your dad and I have made decisions Mike your in luck cause your the oldest and are in charge of everything and handed him papers they were their living wills and advanced directives and we want you to abide by our wishes and we became aware of what they wanted.
Although we didn't like what they decided we told them we would do as they wish my mom in law did not want cpr started no heroic measures at all no feeding tubes no tubes at all.
My sister in law stated that she would not obey the wishes when we were talking about this issue at a first aid cpr class we were taking. My mom in law stated that if Karen went against these wishes there would be hell to pay.
She always made us aware of what she wanted as loved ones passed we always joked with her that she was to stubborn to leave us and we needed her so she wasn't
going anywhere.
Fast forward to May when she wasn't feeling well for a couple days and we urged her to go the doctor she said no it would pass. My father in law put his foot down when she was clammy and sweating and took her to the er it wasn't a virus like she thought it was more serious it was pancrisitis and it caused her blood sugar to go way up then her kidneys shut down and it just got worse from there and she passed away a day before mothers day. She was 64 years old and had so many plans and so much life to live.
I implore everyone to talk to your elected officials not start riots not fear the government is out to kill us. Although I do believe medicare should pay for counseling to talk about the decisions before there is a crisis. In the state of Pa if you have a chance of recovery they can ignore your wishes which in this case they did when she coded. And talk to your loved ones about decisions and organ donation it was easy for Mike and his brothers and dad to agree what needed to be done cause they knew what mom wanted. Talk till your blue in the face even if they dont want to hear it it needs to be talked about.
This was a long post and I want to leave you with one more thought.
It was hard watching mom let go and we miss her terribly its heart breaking but its more heart breaking family fighting about what needs to be done or what ones wishes are.
My mom in law didn't have health insurance after she retired but her doctor (same one we have) worked with her and got her meds through Walmart and seen her 6 months instead of the usual 4 till her medicare kicked in and it still wouldn't be easy for her she kept really good track of her sugar and watched her diet.
In 2000 they stopped at the house and said by the way your dad and I have made decisions Mike your in luck cause your the oldest and are in charge of everything and handed him papers they were their living wills and advanced directives and we want you to abide by our wishes and we became aware of what they wanted.
Although we didn't like what they decided we told them we would do as they wish my mom in law did not want cpr started no heroic measures at all no feeding tubes no tubes at all.
My sister in law stated that she would not obey the wishes when we were talking about this issue at a first aid cpr class we were taking. My mom in law stated that if Karen went against these wishes there would be hell to pay.
She always made us aware of what she wanted as loved ones passed we always joked with her that she was to stubborn to leave us and we needed her so she wasn't
going anywhere.
Fast forward to May when she wasn't feeling well for a couple days and we urged her to go the doctor she said no it would pass. My father in law put his foot down when she was clammy and sweating and took her to the er it wasn't a virus like she thought it was more serious it was pancrisitis and it caused her blood sugar to go way up then her kidneys shut down and it just got worse from there and she passed away a day before mothers day. She was 64 years old and had so many plans and so much life to live.
I implore everyone to talk to your elected officials not start riots not fear the government is out to kill us. Although I do believe medicare should pay for counseling to talk about the decisions before there is a crisis. In the state of Pa if you have a chance of recovery they can ignore your wishes which in this case they did when she coded. And talk to your loved ones about decisions and organ donation it was easy for Mike and his brothers and dad to agree what needed to be done cause they knew what mom wanted. Talk till your blue in the face even if they dont want to hear it it needs to be talked about.
This was a long post and I want to leave you with one more thought.
It was hard watching mom let go and we miss her terribly its heart breaking but its more heart breaking family fighting about what needs to be done or what ones wishes are.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Accomplished
I got major grocery shopping done there are a few things I forgot but will go back and get them and I walked today another thing accomplished. It was still a busy day there is nothing on my agenda for tomorrow other then to get my house in store for the energy audit on Monday.
Nothing else to report on and plans for the weekend are coming into view and on this list is practice parking.
Nothing else to report on and plans for the weekend are coming into view and on this list is practice parking.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Running around in circles
It seems like all I get done is coming and going it also seems like I am running around in circles today I had a few errands to do and it turned into an all day thing with stopping at Mcdonalds to pick up lunch for everyone I don't like doing that cause 1. Its expensive and 2 not all that healthy for one but the kids were happy.
I need to get grocery shopping done as there is nothing in the house to make a meal out of which is bad. I feel like there should be 2 of me . I came home to drop off lunch and the kids had not done any of their chores dishwasher hadn't been unloaded or loaded and they snap back cause I wasn't there to supervise. I am trying not to grump at them but come on they are 15 and 12 they should be able to do things without be told several times.
I haven't walked in two days and I miss that between being busy and the humidity summer decides to show up two weeks before school. So how does one make the time for ones self and trying to get everything else done that needs done?
I am tired its good to be tired and it keeps me out of trouble and thinking about things that I shouldn't think about. I did drive today scared my brother to death took a curve a little too fast and he gets mad if I drive above 50 but one needs to learn to travel with traffic.
I have people coming Monday to do an energy audit am I ready no I need to get S on cleaning her room I am afraid to go in cause I believe there is no floor in there.
I need to practice being more zen like and maybe life will slow down. One can hope right?
I need to get grocery shopping done as there is nothing in the house to make a meal out of which is bad. I feel like there should be 2 of me . I came home to drop off lunch and the kids had not done any of their chores dishwasher hadn't been unloaded or loaded and they snap back cause I wasn't there to supervise. I am trying not to grump at them but come on they are 15 and 12 they should be able to do things without be told several times.
I haven't walked in two days and I miss that between being busy and the humidity summer decides to show up two weeks before school. So how does one make the time for ones self and trying to get everything else done that needs done?
I am tired its good to be tired and it keeps me out of trouble and thinking about things that I shouldn't think about. I did drive today scared my brother to death took a curve a little too fast and he gets mad if I drive above 50 but one needs to learn to travel with traffic.
I have people coming Monday to do an energy audit am I ready no I need to get S on cleaning her room I am afraid to go in cause I believe there is no floor in there.
I need to practice being more zen like and maybe life will slow down. One can hope right?
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I swear I have the most stupidest insurance company in the world
On July 30th when I became a somewhat licensed driver in pa (meaning I can drive with a licensed driver) I called our insurance company and asked them to add me to Mikes policy and we upped from liability to comprehensive and collision just in case someone had an accident we should have had it anyways.
They told me congratulations and happy driving and that they would order my drivers history just to make sure there was nothing on there. I told them there would be nothing on there cause I had never driven but I understand that they cant take my word for it. So as y'all know I drove happily.
Then they called and said Mrs.Rice your coming back as invalid and we would like to order another one but continue to drive cause your covered. Three days later they called back to verify numbers and I assured them that my permit is valid and my numbers on my state I.D and the permit numbers match so it was not a mistake on the dmv's part.
That's where it starts to get interesting they told me that I could have coverage but they would have to charge me 35 dollars more for an invalid drivers license charge I said wait a minute your not allowed to drive on an invalid drivers license so why would you have a fee for it and she couldn't answer so I haven't been doing much driving.
So today I called the dmv and they assured me I was valid and he would fax something to the insurance company stating this. I said fine he did and the stupid insurance company calls me and tells me maam your allowed to drive its just that we require you to have your drivers license in 30 days so by Aug 30 th I would have to have it or be dropped.
So I called them all angry and doing my most zen and polite voice I said you guys told me that if I drive Mikes car then its not covered so I haven't been driving. I kind of demanded an extension and she said let me talk to my supervisor and they extended so I am allowed to drive again and I will have my license by the middle of Sept.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm picture me in a mediation state all zen like.
They told me congratulations and happy driving and that they would order my drivers history just to make sure there was nothing on there. I told them there would be nothing on there cause I had never driven but I understand that they cant take my word for it. So as y'all know I drove happily.
Then they called and said Mrs.Rice your coming back as invalid and we would like to order another one but continue to drive cause your covered. Three days later they called back to verify numbers and I assured them that my permit is valid and my numbers on my state I.D and the permit numbers match so it was not a mistake on the dmv's part.
That's where it starts to get interesting they told me that I could have coverage but they would have to charge me 35 dollars more for an invalid drivers license charge I said wait a minute your not allowed to drive on an invalid drivers license so why would you have a fee for it and she couldn't answer so I haven't been doing much driving.
So today I called the dmv and they assured me I was valid and he would fax something to the insurance company stating this. I said fine he did and the stupid insurance company calls me and tells me maam your allowed to drive its just that we require you to have your drivers license in 30 days so by Aug 30 th I would have to have it or be dropped.
So I called them all angry and doing my most zen and polite voice I said you guys told me that if I drive Mikes car then its not covered so I haven't been driving. I kind of demanded an extension and she said let me talk to my supervisor and they extended so I am allowed to drive again and I will have my license by the middle of Sept.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm picture me in a mediation state all zen like.
Monday, August 10, 2009
A new day
Yesterday we went for a second walk and I didn't do the whole mile so I did half a mile and sat and watched the water for a while and I just had a calm feeling come over me I don't know that I ever will be okay with mom leaving but I suspect over time it will get easier and when its hard I think I will go to the dam and sit and just watch the water.
Mike started classes today and he is tired but he thinks he is going to enjoy this new direction in his life and my children are still alive so I think it was a good day all in all.
Mike started classes today and he is tired but he thinks he is going to enjoy this new direction in his life and my children are still alive so I think it was a good day all in all.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
3 Months
Today is 3 month anniversary of moms passing as I look back on the 3 months I see good and bad. I remember blogging days after and explaining we were numb I can say today I miss numb. But I know that one has to hurt to heal.
I know healing doesn't come overnight and I know that this emptiness in my heart will be there for the rest of my time she cant be replaced and I don't want her replaced.
Yesterday on our drive to our family reunion there was a song that was played over the radio and this song was a huge hit in the 80s and its called You Don't Know What You Have Till Its Gone and the group is Cinderella and I know that they were signing about heartache and the loss of a relationship I turned to my cousin and said boy isn't this the truth you don't know what you have till its gone meaning a relationship or the loss of a loved one.
In another 3 months I hope to look back at this and say I miss her less. I hope to say my heart is healed a little more I hope to say I can understand why God choose to take her to heaven my brother in law and I were talking about that the other day and he said the way that he looks at it is They needed someone of Moms character to brighten the place up. My mom tells me not question it just accept it.
So I guess another goal I should have is to accept the decision that she went to heaven.
I want to state clearly that I understand the decision that the boys and Dad made to end life support I supported that decision.
Okay that is all I have to say it was hard typing this post my thoughts were all over the place. Thanks for reading
I know healing doesn't come overnight and I know that this emptiness in my heart will be there for the rest of my time she cant be replaced and I don't want her replaced.
Yesterday on our drive to our family reunion there was a song that was played over the radio and this song was a huge hit in the 80s and its called You Don't Know What You Have Till Its Gone and the group is Cinderella and I know that they were signing about heartache and the loss of a relationship I turned to my cousin and said boy isn't this the truth you don't know what you have till its gone meaning a relationship or the loss of a loved one.
In another 3 months I hope to look back at this and say I miss her less. I hope to say my heart is healed a little more I hope to say I can understand why God choose to take her to heaven my brother in law and I were talking about that the other day and he said the way that he looks at it is They needed someone of Moms character to brighten the place up. My mom tells me not question it just accept it.
So I guess another goal I should have is to accept the decision that she went to heaven.
I want to state clearly that I understand the decision that the boys and Dad made to end life support I supported that decision.
Okay that is all I have to say it was hard typing this post my thoughts were all over the place. Thanks for reading
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