Shedding and Goals

I did something drastic today I had 15 inches of hair cut off and it will be donated to locks of love. I feel lighter and better and I have decided as of today the first half of the year is done it is what it is and I cant change it I cant get Mikes job back and I cant bring mom back as much as I want to so its time to look to the second part of the year I cant unbreak my foot.

There are new changes coming as I have a new hairstyle. Instead of dwelling on the past and feeling bad about things its time to look forward to the new things. Not that I will miss Mom any less. But I will focus on healing even if I have to remind myself several times a day its okay she is at peace and its time for us to be at peace too. Will it be easy NO. But thats okay I am not one to back down from a challenge.

I almost talked myself out of driving it seems almost overwhelming but I told Mike as we were coming home I know that I will do my best to be a safe driver and not intenally cause harm to myself or anyone else. If I have an accident its just that an accident. I have some other goals in mind also.

As I sat and listened to the speaker this morning who I knew she was a year ahead of me in our highschool but dropped out and had a childhood almost as bad as me change her thinking and life its nice to know I am not the only one to struggle with the past.

We are our own worst enemies at times yes it has been a sucky start to the year and yes it seems unfair and all the other words that mean not very good it doesnt mean the year has to end this way too It means the rest of the year can be good if that is what we put forward.

Friday I am going to donate blood so for the rest of the year its only going to be postive thoughts and actions. ( Okay at least I am going to give it damn hard try). It was an amazing workshop. Life should be like the N.ike slogan just do it dont talk yourself out of it( unless illegal) dont let people steal your dreams and if you dont succeed keep trying eventually you will get it.

Goals dont have to be major it could be as simple as cleaning the kitchen set they goal figure out the why of the goal and the how of the goal and after you have that just do it.

As she was speaking my mind drifted back to the day I had my hystorectomy and I woke up to find packing and a cather up my you know what and as uncomfortable as this I thought myself okay lets just get through the next 30 minutes and I drifted off to sleep and woke up and said good we did 30 minutes lets do 45 minutes and so forth between doing that and the demoral I got through it without whining.

I am sure that in the next 6 months there will be bad days but I am going to try to do a postive thing to make the day seem less negative and I will not dwell in the negatives.

Pictures tomorrow of the old hair and the new hair I love it and sometime in the next couple weeks I am going to add highlights to cover up some of the grey thats sneeking in.

Hope everyone is having a good day.