I woke up hurting about 10 hurting really bad arms and legs and back felt like they were on fire I used the restroom and laid back down and slept till 1 when Mike woke me up. I didnt even attempt to put my contacts in. I have been weepy today everything makes me cry even the stupid verizon commericals.
Then I read my friend Lyns blog that spoke to me more then it knows but I couldnt leave that in her comments cause I was on the verge of heavy tears so there is two reasons I am blogging about this first is to thank Lyn for the words that moved me and second to reflect and expand on what she said and I have one or two readers that dont read her blog.
Her theory in a nutshell is you have to own a situation before life gets back to normal and this takes about a year. People have said to me she was your mother in law not your mom you should be over this I am sure if you ask me next year at this time my heart will still be broken and I will still miss her terribly for the rest of my days she was a very special person that I was lucky to have come in my life and compelty change it.
The other thing that we have to own is Mike no longer has a job we have 3 months of unemployment and he is trying to get training but waiting for other people to get their crap together and get the funding going. Its scary what happens if the unemployment runs out.
I have a drs appt in the middle of July I am so tempted to ask him for anti depressives but then I think I am not depressed its just we keep getting hit with bad news or more stress. Drama at my moms that I dont want the kids involved in and she keeps pressing for the kids she cant understand the concept of keeping them safe which is mine and Mikes job and we will continue to do it.
I wanted to ask Lyn what happens if you dont want to own the situation but I didnt and I have been thinking about this all day. It doesnt matter if you want to own the situation or not it is what it is. You cant change it you can say it sucks and its unfair and throw a temper tantrum if you want but the situation hasnt changed and I am thinking so I have to change the way I react to the situations. I am sure the tears are still going to fall and I am sure I will miss her till the end of time. But instead of crying and thinking this is unfair I am going to try to direct my energys into doing something good so I can look back on this in a 1 year and look at all the good deeds I have done in her name. First one will be donating blood if they will take it.
Second I will help my community as much as I can.
The unemployment situation I am just going to have to let it go and hope that stuff comes together for the training and let Mike deal with that.
Again Lyn thank you very much for publishing your theory it has helped in more ways then you know.
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Boy, this is going to be a looooong comment. Get a glass of iced tea or a cup of coffee and be comfortable.
ReplyDeleteOh, Bobbie! I’m so sorry your having such a bad time. You know the old adage about trouble coming in threes .... I think it’s more a situation that something happens that leave us raw, and then everything else that happens to us pokes and scratches in the raw area so we notice the hurt more than we usually would. On top of the emotional hits you’ve taken in recent months, you are in pain today, and I understand exactly how vulnerable that makes you.
Talk to your doctor about an antidepressant. Depression is caused most often by continued hits to our lives, exactly what has happened to you. Keep in mind that antidepressants are designed to help soften the symptoms so that we can get control of our emotions. Even though the drug companies would love us to take all their meds every day for life, antidepressants are supposed to help us on a short term basis. By “short term,” I mean for perhaps six months to a year. BTW, with the chronic pain, it is not surprising that you are depressed, too. You may need to take antidepressants off and on for the rest of your life. But work to get off them from time to time, until you need them again.
You’re right .... it is what it is. We usually function in fairly predictable cycles, but sometimes, life hits us with a double-, triple-, quadruple-whammy. When that happens, it takes longer to bounce back. But I suspect you’ll feel much better within the year. You may (I think I should say “will”) grieve your MIL for a long, long time. Loving someone is not limited by blood lines or any of the restrictions that people seem to love to toss out there. Please, Bobbie, ignore that kind of babble. Your love for your MIL can’t be measured, even by you but especially by anyone else.
You’ve been through an awful lot; ongoing chronic pain, broken foot, problems with your mom, illness and loss of your MIL, Mike’s job loss 2X, etc. You took in a cat and adopted the kittens, a fun thing, but also expensive and stressful. I don’t know what else, but I’m guessing these aren’t all. Have you ever taken a “stress scale” test? I think you should, print out the results and take it with you to your doctor’s appointment. I think you’re going to be stunned when you see the things that put stress into our lives. Here are two sites to take the test and it will be scored for you, and one in Wikipedia, that you have to add up and score yourself.
http://www.geocities.com/beyond_stretched/holmes.htm
http://www.stresstips.com/lifeevents.htm
If you can’t print out the above, I know you can the one in Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
I hope it helps you to take the test. It takes just a few minutes, and sometimes just the realization of the things that have happened in the last two years is enough to make a person relax a little with the realization that there are VERY GOOD REASONS for the way they feel. Even if you do feel better, take the test to the doc. BTW, there was a year in my life that I scored something around 500; I almost didn’t make it through that one, yet I felt “less crazy” when I had it right there in front of me.
One last thing, Bobbie. I hate to cry. Hate, HATE, H.A.T.E it!! But when you are feeling as overwhelmed as you are, to hell with it .... let go and it will be a release. Sometimes I have to almost force myself to cry or I would explode. You have good reason. It’s OK.
Sending you a warm, gentle hug. Hope tomorrow is easier for you.
Thank you Lyn for the stress sites I am going to do that. I am going to talk to my doc also about anti depressives. I guess with drug depenendancy running rampily in my family it makes me hesitant but I also know I am not one of these people. Thank you for the gentle hugs I have to believe tomorrow will be better.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are struggling right now. Lynilu gave you some really good advice!! (as she always does)
ReplyDeleteIt's OK if you need to go on antidepressants for a while. I wasn't thrilled with going on them, but have found that I feel so much better and have so much more energy. My meds have also help lift the fog that was making it hard for me to think. After a few weeks of taking the meds it was as if I woke up one morning and suddenly could think clearly again.
Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.